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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

My Dad is an alcoholic. Hw do we heal as a family?

No one will go to Al Anon but me

6 Answers

  • .
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    All you can do is make sure that your father is aware of medical methods for getting sober that will help with manage the withdrawal symptoms.  Other than that, he either has to hit rock bottom or get mandated treatment from the criminal justice system.

    Some alcoholics end up drinking themselves to death.

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  • 1 month ago

    Granted, understanding why your parent behaves so badly doesn’t make the problem disappear. Still, having some insight into his addiction might allow you to view your parent with a measure of compassion.

    For example, would you expect a parent with a broken leg to play a game of soccer with you? What if you knew that the injury was the result of your parent’s own foolish actions? No doubt, you’d be disappointed. Nevertheless, you would realize that until the injury heals, your parent’s ability to play ball with you would be severely limited. Grasping that fact would help you to adjust your expectations.

    Similarly, an alcoholic parent or one who is addicted to drugs is emotionally and mentally crippled. True, the “injury” is self-inflicted. And you may rightly resent your parent’s foolish conduct. However, until your parent seeks help to heal his addiction, he’ll be severely limited in his ability to care for you. Viewing his addiction as an incapacitating injury may help you to modify your expectations.

    What You Can Do

    The fact remains that until your parent straightens out his life, you must live with the consequences of his behavior. In the meantime, what can you do about it?

    Don’t take responsibility for your parent’s addiction. Your parent​—and your parent alone—​is responsible for his addiction. “Each one will carry his own load,” says Galatians 6:5. It’s not your job, then, to cure your parent, nor are you obliged to shield him from the consequences of his addiction. For example, you don’t have to lie for him to his boss or drag him off the front porch when he’s fallen into a drunken stupor there.

    Encourage your parent to get help. Your parent’s biggest problem may be admitting that he has a problem. When he’s sober and calm, perhaps the nonaddicted parent along with the older siblings can tell him how his behavior is affecting the family and what he needs to do about it.

    In addition, your addicted parent might do well to write down the answers to the following questions: What will happen to me and my family if I keep drinking or taking drugs? What will happen if I give up my habit? What must I do to get help?

    If trouble is brewing, leave the scene. “Before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave,” says Proverbs 17:14. Don’t put yourself at risk by getting in the middle of a quarrel. If possible, retire to your room or go to a friend’s house. When the threat of violence exists, outside help may be needed.

    Acknowledge your feelings. Some youths feel guilty because they resent an addicted parent. It’s only normal to feel a degree of resentment, especially if your parent’s addiction prevents him from giving you the love and support you need. True, the Bible obligates you to honor your parent. (Ephesians 6:2, 3) But “honor” means to respect his authority, in much the same way as you are to respect that of a police officer or a judge. It doesn’t mean that you approve of your parent’s addiction. (Romans 12:9) Nor are you a bad person because you’re repulsed by his drinking or drug abuse; after all, substance abuse is repulsive!​—Proverbs 23:29-35.

    Find upbuilding association. When life at home is chaotic, you can lose sight of what’s normal. It’s important, therefore, that you enjoy the association of people who are spiritually and emotionally healthy. Members of the Christian congregation can provide much nurturing and support as well as an occasional break from family stress. (Proverbs 17:17) Association with Christian families can give you a healthy model of family life to counteract the distorted model you observe at home.

    Seek help for yourself. Having a mature, trusted adult with whom you can share your feelings really helps. Congregation elders are willing to help you when you need them. The Bible says that these men can be “like a hiding place from the wind and a place of concealment from the rainstorm, like streams of water in a waterless country, like the shadow of a heavy crag in an exhausted land.” (Isaiah 32:2) So don’t be afraid or ashamed to go to them for comfort and advice.

    Write here which of the above six steps you will try to apply first. ․․․․․

    You may not be able to change the situation at home, but you can change the way you’re affected by it. Rather than trying to control your parent, focus on the one person you can control​—you. “Keep working out your own salvation,” wrote the apostle Paul. (Philippians 2:12) Doing so will help you maintain a positive outlook, and it might even prod your parent to seek help for his addiction.

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  • 1 month ago

    The first symptom of alcoholism is always denial: “I only drink beer”, “I only drink on weekends”, “I can still handle my job”, “I never drink during the day. I only drink at night.”, “My drinking is none of your business.” The excuses go on and on. Alcoholics restructure reality so that they believe they don’t have a problem. They believe everyone else around them has the problem. 

    It may help you to understand what your dad experiences. His urge to drink is as strong as the urge that you and I feel when we have to go to the toilet badly. It is an overwhelming, persistent, and ceaseless urge. 

    You can only take care of yourself. You can't treat, heal, or take care of your dad.  Keep going to Al-Anon. 

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  • 1 month ago

    By providing better education for your mom.

    Ask her to Google "School of Affluence" ran by Anna Bey. Tons of free educational material at the  touch of fingertip. They have great female support Facebook group. Trust me, this will straighten your family faster than Alcoholic Anonymous group. 

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    talk to the people there about it, if youre underage call cps and you might not have to live with him

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  • 1 month ago

    Well, it's up to each individual to go through the healing process for themselves. You're doing it... good for you!

    We can't force our family members to do anything they don't wish to do.

    take care.

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