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Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 month ago

can you give me feedback on this poem It isn't finished:  Unity, unitat,birlik, enhed yes, that's exactly what I said.?

If it all means the same word

then why isn't it being heard.

All these different words  

all lead you towards,

a brotherhood ignored

who chant 'no war!'

Why does it matter that I have a different god?

Why do you call my traditions odd?

The colour of my skin is not a choice

yet it seems to take away my voice.

look I know its hard for you to imagine,

you that sits in a mansion

have you wondered about Syria?

it's far from utopia.

south, west, east, north:

those are the directions on earth.

(working on two verses)

We all have problems of our own,

trust me I know

but take a moment and tiptoe

into the world of your foe.

They're not much different you see

because all it is is jealousy.

it's a filthy thing you see

but can't you just agree?

clueless and dumb are you,

who care not of your neighbour's view.

clueless and dumb are you,

who is oblivious of the story true

Imagine human hand

yes I know it's not that grand

but take a look at your fingers

and let the thought linger.

One by one put each finger down

and try to pick up your

you can't do it seems

but you thought it would be a breeze.

but the truth is

you need all fingers, caus together they form a fist

where you conquer troubles into

a forgotten mist.

Now listen to what I say,

and wipe away that selfish frown

because your not the one

living in a Shantytown.

So you ask me what unity means to me;

well take a moment my friend and see,

that unity is the key,

a key to create diversity.

3 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    the message is good but unfortunately there is literally no subtlety in this. it feels like i'm being beaten with a brick. please learn to write allegories.

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  • 1 month ago

    Thus must be hell cause thus mfn worn refuseth to die':)

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Looks like it was written in the fifties.

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