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Could you stay friends with someone who was ready to leave you? ?

When I first moved to the big city I live in now I met a girl and we became friends. She's a bit innocent, naive and aloof, but overall I think she's a genuine person. We lost contact for about a year. Throughout the year I'd reach out to her about hanging out but she always told me she was busy and never offered any free time she had to hangout. Then she posted on facebook that she was engaged. I thought to myself, oh okay, that's why she's been so busy. She got swept up in a relationship and now she's moving across the county for her fiance. I thought it was fast as I didn't even know she was in a relationship but then again we hadn't seen each other in a year. Some time later I noticed that her engagement ended & that she got a new job in the city. I asked her if I could come visit her at her new job. It was nice to see her again. She wasn't able to tell me the full story because she was working but she mentioned that she dodged a bullet and I told her that although I don't know the situation I'm just proud that she got out when she did. She said she had to learn the hard way. She thanked me showing up and being there for her even though we haven't talked in a while.  We have a dinner planned soon so we can catch up. 

My question is, could you stay friends with someone who got wrapped up in (what seems like a toxic relationship) didn't put in effort to see you in the past year and was ready to move across the county without keeping touch with you? 

3 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You're basically describing all my closest friends up until they were about 23+. People lose themselves in tempestuous relationships and don't always have the best time management skills in terms of keeping platonic friends while falling into infatuation.

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  • 1 month ago

    Well, the fact of the matter is you said you didn't even have contact for a year, so why were you all butt hurt?

    Whatever you do, when you two go out with each other, don't ask her all sorts of questions about the failed engagement and relationship. That's a bit pushy and unnecessary. Talk about other things. If she brings it up, ok, but i still think that's a weird topic to discuss on this "date" or whatever it is.

    And as far as your "friendship" goes, people drift apart sometimes. It's not unusual and it wasn't something she did to piss you off. It just happened. That stuff happens all the time.

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  • 1 month ago

    Your question avoids the obvious: the other person has to want to remain friends with you. You sound a little condescending towards her. If she perceives that, she may meet with you a couple times, and then become 'busy' again. You didn't lose contact. You were in contact with her. She didn't care to spend time with you.

     She can say she 'dodged a bullet,' even if the fellow dumped her, and even if her partner was a gem. Nothing to stop anyone from saying that. Being 'proud of her' for getting out may be just the kind of patronizing drivel she was avoiding by not hanging out with you.

    From the way you describe it, the two of you didn't have a lot in common. If she is aloof, or a loner, she may not want or need a lot of friends. She may want only women as social friends, I really don't know.

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