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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

I can not stand my husbands ex wife's daughter?

for starters, my husband is not the biological father to his ex wife's daughter. She brought this child into their marriage and then they conceived a son together. The ex wife ran off on drugs and left her child with her parents (the grandparents). My husband has full custody of their son. I have a wonderful relationship with him. The grandparents decided we should get her every other weekend. I am in no way asking for advice on how to change this, more so to change my mind into having an ability to deal with it. I am struggling to form a relationship with her, and have been since the beginning. I can not wrap my mind around why these grandparents want to drop her off every other weekend, other than convenience for them to have a kid free weekend. They never ask for their grandson on the other weekends. They never see him except for on Christmas. I'm frustrated with the whole situation. 

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    The poor girl didn't ask to be put in this position. I'm sure she's having trouble adjusting to all of the trauma and changes in her short life, and is feeling insecure and perhaps even unloved.  As an adult, you should put her needs far above yours, and help her in any way possible, including arranging for family therapy to learn how to support her in a positive, loving way.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    This girl likely has some severe emotional problems because of what the adults in her life have done to her. She apparently lost her bio dad somehow and then her mother abandoned her. No doubt she's a handful (and one that elderly people can't handle all by themselves 24/7). She CLEARLY needs to be in some form of counseling...but one wonders which (if any) of you adults are her legal guardian and could make that happen.

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  • 1 month ago

    This is about your husband. He either FEELS and thinks as if he is the girl's stepfather and is willing to continue in that role... or HE doesn't. And, apparently, he does. It's not about the grandparents. It's your husband's acceptance of continuing to be her stepdad that sits in the center of this.

    The girl likely has issues she's not mature enough to understand or deal with. Abandoned by her mother, living with grandparents, abandoned by her only father figure long enough for you to marry him and not want her around though you adore her brother. And now, apparently as her grandparent's idea (really?), she's planted into your home two weekends a month. Does your husband take time to do things with her? Does he take the kids out together to have adventures and experiences?

    There are reasons you don't like her. You don't mention what they are. But if you open up your mind to accept that this is your HUSBAND'S doing, and wish, and that you are not victimized by the grandparents... would it help?

    Her problem that she can't solve alone is that she HAS a family. They just don't want much to do with her. A mom who has abandoned her, a little brother who lives with a different family she sees a few days a month, an EX StepDad who likely courted her favor back when he was courting her mother.

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  • 1 month ago

    it sounds frustrating, but maybe you're over thinking this? I would go about my life as normal while she's visiting. I'd practice kindness and include her in things the family is doing. However, YOUR HUSBAND is the person who is actually supposed to be the one she's visiting, so let him do things with her most of the time. That's how it ought to go, considering he was married to her mother and he obviously considers her a part of HIS family.

    teens can be difficult (and totally weird). My granddaughters are 14, 18 and 21. They are nothing like they were as younger children. They are a nightmare if you ask me. But i just go with their weird flow when i'm around them. And i do my own thing as usual with my days.

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  • 1 month ago

    I cannot stand my uncles nephews wife’s grandma!

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  • Linda
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Shouldn't you be asking this question to your husband and getting his opinion, since it is his step daughter and apparently he does not mind or he would have said something by now? He formed a relationship with her and perhaps he views her more or less as a biological daughter and she asks to see her "dad" and she should if they formed that kind of close relationship. Why can you not stand her? You never mentioned any bad qualities about her but it seems that it is because she is his ex wife's daughter and you resent that. It really seems petty of you. I suggest marriage counseling to learn how to love this girl who needs love and I really feel sorry for her and I cannot believe you would be so heartless. Change your viewpoint and you may learn to love her.

    Source(s): Embrace and love my stepdaughters as if they are my very own.
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