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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Should I make my 16 YO stop seeing her boyfriend? ?

She was recently sent to accompany her boyfriend's cousin's wife to a grocery store because the wife isn't allowed to go out by herself as her abusive ex-boyfriend her husband's older brother has promised to kill her and other family members. While in the store they almost ran into him but the wife saw him 1st and fled with my daughter who froze. My daughter was terrified and shouldn't have been put in the situation. This family is known racist, the wife is black barely 22 who married into it when she was 18, was knocked up back to back 3 times with pregnancies that nearly killed her, dated the abuser underage, and I don't want my daughter involved in this circus. Her boyfriend is a nice kid but his family is the problem. The 22 YO came over and apologized for frightening my daughter and she was like an angel on earth but I explained to her and my daughter's boyfriend that I don't want my daughter involved. I feel awful for the 22 YO as she's so young, beautiful, kind, and trapped with these people and I don't want that for my daughter. 

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  • David
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    OK, I kind of understand you being concerned about your daughter hanging with that family, as they have "issues". However, speaking as the father of two teenagers, one boy and one girl....

    The danger that scares me the most is the one that I do not know about. Your daughter is 16 now. She is exactly trapped in that space between child and WOMAN. She should be ready to fiercely assert her independence at any moment, because that is the natural order of things. Having said that...

    How do you think you are going to "make" your 16 YO stop seeing her boyfriend? I mean, I guess you could up and move to another continent with her. But if all you do is tell her that she can't see her boyfriend, the that is going to back-fire on you in a big way. See, your daughter will still be in danger...but YOU will no longer KNOW about it, as your daughter won't be telling you anything anymore.

    Growing up, one of my best friends would drink beer and hard liquor in his home (at age 16) with his parents knowing about it and allowing it. And yes, I could drink with him, as long as I didn't drive. (got my license at 14, had my first car in my name only at age 15) At first, I thought they were nuts. The parents, that is. If my own mother at the time had found out...

    But their logic was simple. Teens are going to be teens. Might as well keep the behavior in the household where it could be supervised.

    Now, I'm not saying that you should allow the boyfriend to live with you and have sex with your daughter in your house. (Although that WOULD seem to solve some of your problems.) What I'm saying is, you can't fight a battle properly without good intelligence. Do what you have to, to keep lines of communication open between yourself and your daughter. If you try to "make' your daughter stop seeing her boyfriend, she's going to choose her boyfriend over you, every time. You've just killed that line of communication.

    Don't be that guy who your daughter is afraid of calling for help, because she's more scared of how YOU react than she is of whatever danger she's currently facing.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    No. But you could tell your daughter she sees this guy in your home or outside somewhere other than in his home. One hopes at 22 he'll be living separately from his family in the very near future. This of course assumes the age of consent is low where you live. Because where I live it would be highly illegal for a 22 year-old to be dating a 16 year-old.

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  • 2 months ago

    That’s too many words.  You all sound like a bunch of meth heads

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