Was I abused?
All my life I have wondered if I was abused or not. I don’t explicitly remember being abused but I remember when I was around the age of 5 before I went to bed I would think of something to go to sleep. It was like I was selecting a movie clip from a reel and I would watch it in my head until I fell asleep. Idk if that makes sense but that’s how I remember it being like. Every time it was a video in my mind of me in my family’s camper with our family friend’s children, aged around 11 and 9 (both male) having sex. When I was 8, I had sex with my 5 year old brother. Every single day I am suicidal because of it, because I feel like in that situation I was the predator. But looking back, how could a child that young know about sex, and even know how to perform it? Why would I try it with another male unless someone had showed it to me? I’ve only told 2 people in my entire life about my little brother. When I was 15 I was raped by my boyfriend at the time because I froze up and could only imagine me as a kid again in the camper so I just laid there even though I told him I wasn’t ready. That’s besides the point, basically I don’t know the signs of sexual abuse and don’t know if (in your opinion) that is what happened to me
- ChanelLv 61 month ago
I feel sorry for you cos it sounds like you were lured into something which obviously you did not know it was wrong.
You should have reported this guy for raping you.
Look up the rape help lines and give them a call. It sounds like you need to make sense of this so you can move on.
Sometimes people tell you to forget it and put it all out of your mind but that is not always the correct answer. You could feel better for speaking to a therapist and therefore talking it out of your system.
We cannot change the past but we can control out future. So remember it is YOUR body and if you do not want to do anything it is totally up to you.
I wish you the best of luck sweetheart.
- NONAMELv 71 month ago
...i do mixup memories with movies...and you might have too...like did you ever see that robin williams movie where people have computers in their brains recording their lives? ...but really my biggest worry is that you say you were raped at 15...and yet it sounds like it was mutual. you told him yes and then froze up..thats not rape at all. I sure hope you never told him that he raped you
- 1 month ago
If you've told your friend you're not ready, and if he has not listen to you, it's a rape. That's only facts. It could be a good idea to speak of those subjects with a psychologist.