Why doesn't my father's fiancée want to meet me, my husband and our 5 children?

My father told me she doesn't want to meet me or my family, this also has confused my brothers and sisters and their spouses, all of which have children too.

We are worried that she will be in for a huge surprise once she is married to my father then finding out how many grandchildren he has.... She simply doesn't want to have anything to do with us or even know us, nor does she want any of us at my father's wedding.

By her refusing to meet us isn't she putting herself in a bad situation when father's day, mother's day birthdays, and the holidays approach. My father loves these celebrations, because we all group at my holiday house at the beach and have a huge BBQ party with all our children.

I have never met this woman, and my father doesn't understand why she doesn't even want to meet us. We don't even know what she looks like, but my father still plans to marry her. He feels he can talk her into meeting us once they are married.

Updated 6 days ago:

My father has close to 20 grandchildren, since there are a number of us. My husband and I have been married for almost 17 yrs and our older 3 children are in their teens. The oldest grandchild is 20 and the youngest grandchild is a few months old. My father's fiancée doesn't have any children and this is her first marriage. She's young and she needs to understand what she's getting into.

Updated 6 days ago:

@ Scarecrow, like we all have time to bother her when we all have number of kids mostly school age, a few in day cares, have demanding careers of our own. The only times we get is when I organize my holiday home to be open during family celebrations, so I have to make sure this house of ours is cleaned out & prepared for guests. I'm not going to want to know her if she thinks we are all too much of a bother. But my father is like clock work, on a yearly basis, he asks us if he can use our home.

Updated 6 days ago:

@ Coach Simon, the number of brothers & sisters we have & in-laws that go with them all, all our children would be hurt if everyone stopped the yearly celebrations that go on in this family. Years ago I got a great deal on this house right on the beach 10 years ago. The reason I got it, it holds a lot of people and their have been a number of weddings here & so this place has become a memorable location for many of us. We will continue with our gatherings no matter what.

Updated 6 days ago:

And he doesn't spend money on us, it's the other way round, we have been spending money on him. All of us have active careers which helped us get to where we are today. But my father does like using my holiday home at the beach, to use the pool and relax, but when he goes down there I have to check in on him once a day while he is using the place. If she's there I don't know how that situation will turn out. She might kick me off of my own property. lol

Updated 6 days ago:

@ Coach Simon, ""Does she have her own family who will demand or request money?""    Good Question; I hope they don't start asking us for money. That should be my father's department, and he doesn't have much to give. He has a retirement and he has some money put away in the event he gets ill, or is too old to look after himself and needs hired help for any age related medical needs. He's set for life, but not at all wealthy. 

21 Answers

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    3 days ago

    The fact that your father wants to marry someone who doesn't want anything to do with his kids or grandchildren says more about him than it does about her.

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  • 5 days ago

    Stop. This is not about her, it is about what lengths your father is going to allow her to control him. He can very well see his family without her attending. 

    I would not allow her at your  beach house as it is a place for FAMILY, and since she has made it clear that none of you have a shred of importance to her, she is CHOOSING not to be a member of the family.

    You do not need this woman in your life. I can see she that she is toxic all the way from over here. She is trying to isolate your father from his family. That alone is very suspicious and concerning. It says a lot about her self centered personality and her insecurities. She could be a gold digger. He does not have to have a fortune to be taken advantage of, you know. People have bamboozled others for a lot less than your dad has to lose.

    I would make SURE you and your siblings, their spouses and ALL of those grandchildren make it their life goal to stay in close contact with your dad (via phone, text, facebook, facetime, twitter, snap chat  skype, postal letters and cards).  Don't allow her to isolate him. Carry on with your traditions and invite him to attend, with or without her...even if someone in your huge family has to go and GET him.

    Edit: reading your comments, it sounds like you are somewhat concerned about his new love and her family wanting money from your family. No money can exchange hands unless you agree, so that is not your issue, it is your father`s. Since you have been supplimenting your dad's income, you may still choose to do so. But now, if I were you  I would pay his bills directly  rather than send him the money. Because if she isolates him, who knows what she may do with the money?

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  • Anonymous
    5 days ago

    "Why doesn't my father's fiancée want to meet me, my husband and our 5 children?"

    It's none of your business why. 

    Glad I could help.

    • .
      Lv 5
      5 days agoReport

      My father's loss not mine and my family's, if that's what he wants, None of my business unless her family starts asking me and my family for money, because my father doesn't have much.... Thank you for answering.

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  • Anonymous
    5 days ago

    Sounds like your father's wife is going to have things her way not the children's.  It's unfortunate that it's gonna happen that way but prepare for it.

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    • .
      Lv 5
      5 days agoReport

      The reason I think she wants to marry him, is that she thinks my dad has a lot of money, he doesn't. Just a pension, & he's working as an accountant at a grocery store. I think my father lied to her about his worth. We have helped him out with his bills, now she can do that, getting us off the hook.

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  • 5 days ago

    Sounds like to me she is in him for his money, not wanting to meet his family is a big red flag for me.

  • Sparky
    Lv 6
    5 days ago

    She is going to end up making your Dad choose between her and his family.

    If he marries her, I don't see this ending well.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 days ago

    She wants to believe she can just pretend he's coming to her with a blank slate. This isn't going to end well.

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    • Foofa
      Lv 7
      4 days agoReport

      ., if that's her true intention she's going to tire of your father's modest means soon enough. Your holiday home can be mysteriously "booked" any time she wants to use it. Be prepared to comfort him when she files for divorce in a few years (or sooner). 

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  • 6 days ago

    Are you sure she even exists?  Dad may have made her up to make you not worry about him.  The fact that you don't even know what she looks like is a little reminiscent of that nerdy friend who would claim a girlfriend without proof she exists or that she even knows him.  And that lie can become too big to die.

    • .
      Lv 5
      5 days agoReport

      She exists, she answered my father's landline and said he would be back in  45 minutes. I found out he was just putting out some trash, which doesn't take long for him to do. At least I know what she sounds like now.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 days ago

    if i was your father i wouldnt marry her

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  • 6 days ago

    My - you do ask a lot of questions! 

    Why does your father think she will change the day after the marriage? She is young and he is old enough potentially to be a great grandfather. On the surface it seems that she doesn't want him spending money on his family. Does she have her own family who will demand or request money? Your own family gatherings will not be the same without him, will they?

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