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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

My boyfriend struggles with a porn addiction. This morning, he threatened to break his phone because I found out he was still watching it. ?

We eventually talked it over, and he said that he’s willing to sell his phone and buy a flip phone so he doesn't be so tempted. It made me upset that he suggested that, because it’s just unfair to him. I just want to be able to trust him and he’s cried about his addiction so much and i don't know what to do to help him with this. He says he has an urge that he cannot control. I completely understand that he has an addiction, and we talked about where it possibly started from. Is it necessary for him to sell his phone, though? I feel really bad because I don’t want him to think that i’m trying to control him or trying to suck the fun out of his life. He’s saying he really wants to quit, so should he sell his phone and do what he’s gonna do to help stop his addiction? I feel like porn is so normalized upon society, that everyone thinks it’s okay to watch it or that it’s harmless to their partners. He watched some pretty bad stuff though, and it made me very uneasy to know all the dark content he was really into. Can someone please help me out with this? He can’t get professional help because we cant afford it. We’ve gone through these arguments since the day i found out he was searching up porn, i just never knew what to say when he told me he was addicted. When i saw him cry about it, that’s when i truly believed he was addicted and i’ve felt really terrible for not being able to help him get over any of it. I just want to help him this time for good. 

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  • 2 months ago
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    In the off chance you aren't just trolling, then yes - for some guys who are addicted to pron, getting rid of smartphones/tablets/computers may be necessary (at least in the short term) in order to remove the immediate temptation and simplicity of accessing it.

    As far as him threatening to break his phone, crying, etc. - that is all him emotionally manipulating you, and having a pity party for himself - neither of which are going to help him overcome his problem.

    It's common when viewing a lot of pron to get bored with the same material, making it necessary to seek out more 'extreme' or 'taboo' (or even illegal) material in order to get the old excitement back.

    Eventually it can be difficult for a guy to get/maintain an erection without viewing pron (especially when with a partner) and sometimes not even then.  They will also attempt to reproduce the types of sex acts they watch, and their partners will not always be willing (or able) - often resulting in their partner blaming themselves.

    I've heard some people claim that pron can't be 'addictive' because you don't have physical withdrawal symptoms when you quit - but that's b.s.

    I've watched men destroy relationships, lose jobs, and end up in legal trouble - all because they couldn't quit - those are all hallmarks of a very real, and very destructive addiction.

    In some cases, it may be necessary for an individual to go through therapy and seek out a support group in order to stop.

    Again, if you aren't trolling - good luck, but it's going to require him to *want* to stop - he can't do it to make you happy, or for any other reason.  It has to be for himself first.

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  • 2 months ago

    Porn addiction or any addiction is about being so obsessed with whatever the addiction is that a person's entire life is impacted. Their work suffers, they isolate from everyone, etc. And in the case of porn addiction the person would rather watch porn than have sex with their partner, and more. You didn't say any of that stuff was going on.

    I'm thinking your boyfriend watches porn just like all other guys on earth and you're busy over there shaming him about it regularly. Why shame someone for their basic nature?

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  • 2 months ago

    Sounds like a keeper............NOT.

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