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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

Should I say something to her, or keep my trap shut?

My cousin and her husband came to live with me 7 years ago. They are very considerate, and I try to be the same, and we get along very well. About a year and a half ago, I began to notice he didn’t follow conversations well, things had to be repeated, and he didn’t comprehend things well. I didn’t want to mind their business, so I kept quiet about what was becoming increasingly obvious. I finally mentioned to her, I’d noticed he wasn’t the same. She, of course was aware of this, and told me she was able to, after months of persuasion, get him to see a doctor.

The doctor’s preliminary exam determined he’d had a stroke. He there after refused to seek recommended further examination, and treatment. Since then, he’s been deteriorating and talking to him is like playing charades. I finally suggested to him that he seek some treatment for him and his wife’s sake. He told her about it and she was very upset and told me to stay out of it. I have since done just that.

This month makes 2 years since he had the stroke (my cousin was able to pin it down to one day when he had a terrible headache). He’s outside, as I write this, mowing the lawn in 40 degree weather, just as he did last week; and she knows it. The truth is I couldn’t have afforded to pay a pro for some of the repairs he’s made around here, and i don't want her to stop him from helping out. I realize he’s not hurting the lawn, but I expect it will be something else next, and I don't want him to injure himself either.

3 Answers

  • enn
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    She is in denial. (Sorry) But a progressive condition means a progressive condition, and ignoring it won't make it go away. He is progressing worse and needs to be re-evaluated. You make the appointment and offer to drive them both. BUT you sit down with her and and spell it out, he needs help and her avoiding the problem is not making it better and not making it go away. Start researching long-term care options, such as an apartment in a care community complex where she can live together with him while he is nearby emergency care. Start the process of identifying financial assistance for assisted care to come to your home for a while. Start looking into ways and means to provide care as well as care for your cousin in terms of community -- having people come over to talk and chat with her as if she was a person and not ignore her needs as a caregiver. By coming up with solutions and implementing them and making them normal, all of you can gradually get into a new routine that works for all of you. Do your research and then present options. It is always better to come up with multiple options and present multiple choices to choose from instead of one solution she may not agree. Having multiple options means she makes the choice instead of you making it for her and them. Good luck in finding the right choice!

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    This is one of life's many tests.  Life events happen outside marriage and cheating that put things into perspective making cheating one of the least of life's worries.

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  • 2 months ago

    This is difficult. On the one hand, it is between your cousin and her husband. On the other, he's living in your house, and could possibly set it on fire through absent-mindedness. Talk to your cousin about it, not the husband- he's clearly not capable of logical processing. She may need to get someone to stay with him when neither of you are there.

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