Should I stay in this relationship? Please help?
He is 36 and has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am 28. We’ve been together for almost 6 years now (3,5 years living together).
I knew since at the beginning he didn't want marriage and I thought I'd be ok with it. But I've started to change my mind because marriage is very important to me. I can’t bear the idea of being just the ‘girlfriend’ for all my life.
One other thing that bothers me is the fact that he was always kind of postponing the idea of having a child even though he knew how much I wanted my first baby at around 26-27 years old. He made excuses such as I should get a stable job (I was a temp at the beginning), then I had to get my driving license, and now he said we should buy a house first..
I feel if he hadn't a child himself, he wouldn't be playing these « games » with me, which have crushed my soul and made me so sad.
Furthermore we still can't decide on where we should live (I’m a city girl, he prefers suburban)
I love him and I know he loves me back, but I feel like this is not working, like I’m the only one to compromise my believes and desires. So my question is: is it reasonable to change my mind on the marriage topic and to leave this relationship despite the love I have for him? Or marriage is just a piece of paper and I'm silly to throw away a good man?
- TealLv 72 months agoFavorite Answer
You were very young when you got together, you were still growing up and it was inevitable that your priorities would change. He hasn't grown and changed with you, this is as good as it gets with him. If being married and having a family is important to you, then you need to leave him and find someone who wants the same things.
A "good" man would have told you upfront that he isn't interested in more kids even if that meant he might lose you. He lies to you to get what he wants. Ask yourself why you make sacrifices and compromises for someone who would never do the same for you.
- RPLv 72 months ago
If you are in a relationship that is not working, then why even imagine marriage? Ending things at this point may not be throwing away a good man, but, instead, preserving your future. If you can't be true to yourself by doing what you know is right and best for you, then you don't belong with him. It's really that simple, despite the inevitable pain at first.
- PatriciaLv 72 months ago
Love isn't enough. Never was. And you knew going into this what he did not want.
why the hell would you have a child with someone you're not married to, as well? Are you dumb?
You two don't seem all that compatible to me, but i'm not there. You have to decide for yourself.