I cheated. Help? ?
I was on a work trip and had drinks at the hotel bar with a co worker in Chicago. Needless to say we had sex. Even in the morning we did it again. Afterwards it was awkward. We got dressed before the meeting and we went our separate ways. I feel terrible now. My wife and 3 kids. I feel I betrayed them. Do I just bury this under the rug?
- 2 weeks ago
It is haram to sex without wife. You could have 4 wife and join war to take slaves as your sex partner if you really want so much of it.
If you have done sin then repent to ALLAH and ask his forgiveness. Tell your wife that you are sinful men and you cheated her and you want to have more then 1 wife, ask her permission.
- Anonymous2 weeks ago
A person can't really help you. You need God. It's really awful what you did. And, yes you did betray your wife and kids. It's really creepy that you are seeking advice here and wondering if you should forget it. Why would you forget it? If you really are sorry your actions it will show it and you will never do it again. You will be extremely honest with God and confess it. Get forgiveness from Him and let Him show you what you should do or not do next. I would believe actions like changing jobs and totally cutting ties with the woman you cheated with would be a start. I also would stop drinking. You mentioned the drinking so maybe you used it as an excuse to be loose. Also the lack of guilt and doing the cheating again in the morning is a serious sign that you are developing a hard heart against your wife. Do you practice forgiving your wife if she offends you in any way? You two should get counseling or at least you should. You need to spend more time with your family and less time socializing and traveling.
If at any time a person uses drinking to be loose it will eventually be a problem in more ways than one. You need to develop your spirit, soul and body without drinking. Drinking should be something you enjoy but never as a crutch of any kind, same as any other drug. It's an extremely disgusting thing that you did. You should also go to the doctor and make sure you don't bring a germ home to your wife.
I can't tell you to bury this under the rug. I can tell you that your wife deserves better, whether a better man entirely or a better version of you as in an honest good man.
I don't even begin to know how to tell her but if you decide to it will be suicide for your marriage if you tell her its because you were drinking or that you were seduced or lonely. There isn't ANY excuse, none, except you were horrid and selfish. If you tell her there is no guarantee that she will keep you. Most likely she won't. If she does its because you really are remorseful and show it by serious behavior changes and extreme transparency a lot of time as in a few years will go by before she even begins to trust again.
If you guys to seem to start to stay together I would strongly suggest reading the Bible together scriptures on forgiveness, salvation and the New Birth. These types of healing start with real changes on the inside and caring about people in a very empathic way.
- 2 weeks ago
I think communication is key I am a woman going through a similar situation but I found out on my own
Had he been honest I would have tried marital counseling etc
I’m no therapist but the guilt will eat you alive eventually
Now I feel I can’t trust a word he says
Trust and communication are vital but it’s all about how you approach her the words you use
Sometimes it’s best to do it in a safe setting
Do you know why you did this or have you done it before? Are you having marital probs? If you are it would be a good excuse to suggest going to marital counseling so you can have a professional there to help mediate she will be pissed and hurt may need time to calm down
- Coach SimonLv 72 weeks ago
"Needless to say we had sex". You must be a serial cheat, and your poor wife probably knows. You have your priorities, which are not your wife and children. You are who you are.
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- 2 weeks ago
gotta tell y our wife man, it might ruin the marriage. But in all honesty if she did the same thing you'd want her to tell you and it would be up to you if you kept the marriage together. Tell your wife, marriage counseling perhaps might be in line, maybe not. She might ask for a divorce and really that's her decision. You messed up on this one, but by no means just keep it to yourself.
- 2 weeks ago
Tell her. Because she's loooking at you with false love and false trust. Every day you don't tell her you betray her over and over and over again until the day you die.
If you're man enough to cheat on your marriage, and put your penis inside of someone else, TWICE, you're man enough to utter four simple words. If you can't, you're a coward who only does things for himself.
- BLv 73 weeks ago
Bury it. Do not get involved again. Ever.
- 3 weeks ago
No, I would bury it and never do it AGAIN if you truly love your wife and children. Do not have sex with your wife and potentially infect her with a disease. Go to the doctor after 40 days and get tested for everything.
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
Do you feel that the bond between you and your mate has weakened as the years have passed? Would you like to reverse that trend? If so, you need to know the answers to three questions: What does it mean to be committed to your marriage? What challenges can undermine such commitment? And what can you do to strengthen your commitment to your mate?
- blankLv 53 weeks ago
Your human, you made a mistake. Now you have to live with the consequences.
First - if you really love your wife - go get tested for STDs, hopefully BEFORE you have sex with her. Make sure you won't be giving her an obvious sign of your infidelity.
Honestly - next I would seek out the help of a licensed professional marriage counselor first. Work with that person to figure out WHY you did what you did and deal with those issues. The counselor can help you decide if you should tell your wife or not, and if so when. (there will be valid arguments both ways).
The marriage counselor may be able to help you with ways to tell your wife. Your furture, ultimately, will rest with her if you do tell her: a) can she forgive you, and b) will she ever be able to trust you again.
No matter what you will have to learn how to live with the guilt. At some point you will have to set that burden down and forgive yourself - whether your marriage lasts or not.