Is skipping a bridal shower really that awful of a thing to do?

I stepped down as maid of honor for a friend's wedding, we're clearly not that close anymore. She is the type of person who has always asked for a lot from other people, but does little for others in return. When she sent me a long message expecting me to arrange a bachelorette party for her, I told her I would be stepping down as maid of honor.

When I texted her happy birthday, she didn't even respond. I really don't have any motivation to go to her bridal shower at her mother's house. I will be starting another job soon, could I just use a work event as a reasonable excuse to go? I'd rather just go to the wedding and get her a nice present, I really don't see why attending a bridal shower should be so necessary. We likely won't be keeping in touch after the wedding anyways, I don't see much of a reason to.

Has anyone else been through a similar experience or have any advice to offer?

14 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    I don't see how you even show up at the wedding under these circumstances. She's clearly hurt and you've clearly decided she's just not a very valuable person to have in your life. Send a gift if you wish to but it's probably safe to assume she no longer considers you a friend.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    It sounds like her bachelor party demands pushed you over an edge you where already hanging off of. What a pity that a wedding has ruined a friendship. It really doesn't sound like you two are going to be the best of friends after she gets married because for all intents and purposes, it really does sound like your relationship is over. Especially since you stepped down from the bridal party, and don't even want to attend the shower, which probably means you won't go to bachelorette party either, so why bother putting on a charade from here on out?

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  • sarah
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    You stepped down because she asked you to arrange a bachelorette party? But...but...that's kind of what the maid of honor DOES. Mine was ready and waiting to plan my shower, too, but several ladies from my church kinda ran away with that, lol.

    If you don't want to go to the shower or wedding, don't go. Plain and simple.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    While reading this I was thinking how could you wait as late as shower planning to step down from maid of honor.  You have left her in a bind and how could you do that to anyone and say you're not that close anymore...you should reconsider.

    And the maid of honor always gets the guests to chip in for the shower.

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    • Jerry
      Lv 7
      4 weeks agoReport

      Guests are to "chip in" for the shower!!?!??! Hey, I'm bringing a a shower gift. If that doesn't "pay for" decor, refreshments, silly games & silly prizes, and a chance at a door prize then hosts are spending too much on decor, refreshments, games, prizes ... 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    It sounds to me like you aren't even friends anymore, much less a member of the wedding party.  You dislike her and she's ignoring you...so I don't see any problem with not attending the shower. But I do see a problem with going to the wedding at all ! IF you have received an invitation already, you can decline, politely, no reason would be needed. If you haven't received one, don't expect it to happen.  

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If you stepped down from MOH, you are under NO obligation to throw her any kind of party.  In fact, it sounds like you should just skip the wedding and not even give a present.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    "We likely won't be keeping in touch after the wedding anyways, I don't see much of a reason to."

    If you have no interest in remaining friends, then decline.  You don't need to provide a reason, you just politely decline.

    If you'd like to remain friends, then I suggest you reconsider.   You aren't under any obligation to attend any given function or fulfill any specific role.    But when you accept MOH, then step down, decline bachelorette, decline shower...you're sending a pretty clear message.

    "I'd rather just go to the wedding and get her a nice present"   Why?  I don't understand why you want to go to the wedding if you won't be keeping touch and have no interest in doing so.   Save them the expense and break ties.

    Make up your mind, dear.

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  • mJc
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Send her a gift and then know for a fact that this friendship is over.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    fyi, maid of honors are supposed to arrange the bachelorette party... don't know what you were expecting...?

    then just don't go all together. don't even bother with the wedding either. depends on if you want to be the bigger person or not.

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    • Jerry
      Lv 7
      4 weeks agoReport

      You mean "IF there is a bach party, it's often arranged by BMs, esp MOH." This is a very different thing from "supposed to." ALWAYS auxiliary are the responsibility of whoever volunteers. If nobody volunteers then no shower happens. And brides are free to host their own "girls' night out" party.  

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If you don’t  attend the shower, you don’t send a gift.  Attending the shower is never necessary. 

    Did you received  your invitation to the  shower after you stepped down from MOH? 

    In any case if you don’t plan on keeping in touch after the wedding I would not go. Don’t make excuses, just rsvp no with a I am so sorry I won’t be able to attend.  

    Are you sure you want to attend the wedding if you have no plans on continuing the friendship?

    Got to ask, if you didn’t feel close to her any more why did you agree to be the Maid of Honor? 

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