Is it too late for me to have my first time?
I am a 23 year old virgin who's about to be 24 in a few months. I have never even kissed a guy. I have always been very socially awkward, and I've never really been able to talk to men I like. The farthest I've gone is texting/sending nudes to one guy. Also, most of the men who are attracted to me don't excite or attract me at all, yet most of the guys I like are almost always attracted to women who are much more pretty, assertive, and fun..leaving me feeling sad and stupid for being attracted to these men to begin with. I hate myself, and I feel like I won't ever be normal and lose my virginity. I feel like the majority of men my age will be freaked out by a virgin this old and won't be willing to teach me things I should've learned at 16 or 17. What do you all think? Is 24 way too old? Should I just "hang it up" and give up hope? I really feel like I should.
- James W.Lv 71 month ago
Wow, you're being way too hard on yourself. Never give up hope. It's actually a beautiful thing that you've saved yourself so far. Stay strong and you will never regret it.
Here’s some information about sex before marriage from the books True Love Lasts and Straight Talk About Dating:
Having sex before marriage can be harmful to you and to your future. This harm could possibly include things like:
- not feeling good about yourself
- finding out that having sex causes people to become emotionally attached way too quickly
- sex becoming the main focus of your relationship
- finding out that having sex makes people ignore serious problems in the person they’re dating, serious problems that could destroy a marriage
- failing to realize that dating relationships which have sex as their main focus usually don’t last - until the relationship falls apart
- not learning to have real communication with each other, to be in touch with the your positive and negative feelings and the feelings of your significant other, to resolve conflicts in a calm constructive manner, to really get to know what your significant other is like in all situations because you’re spending too much time having sex
- not feeling good about choosing to have sex after your boyfriend or girlfriend says “I love you” and then later finding out he or she was lying to you just to get sex or he or she just has the feeling of being “in love” instead of true love (true love is supposed to be a lifelong commitment)
- feeling that you need to keep having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend or else they’ll break up with you - even though you don’t feel good about it
- finding out that having sex makes people stay in dating relationships much longer than they should
- making the bad choice to stay in a relationship that you know isn’t good for you because you’re having sex
- being broken hearted after your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you
- becoming an angry person after having your heart broken
- becoming depressed or possibly even suicidal after having your heart broken (please see a professional counselor immediately if you feel depressed or suicidal)
- feeling that you can’t trust anyone anymore after you’ve had your heart broken
- feeling horrible that you broke your boyfriend or girlfriend’s heart when you broke up with them
- getting into the habit of jumping from one sexual relationship to another looking for true love and sadly never finding it
- getting a sexually transmitted disease (a 2017 study showed that young people aged 15–24 years acquire half of all new STDs and that one in four sexually active adolescent females has an STD)
- getting pregnant
- becoming a single mother (guys often don’t marry their pregnant girlfriends)
- having a child who doesn’t have a stable male role model in their life
- becoming more hesitant about making a lifelong marriage commitment to another person after having your heart broken
- ending up having problems relating sexually to your husband or wife in marriage because of the sex you had with them (and possibly with others) before marriage
- becoming divorced (statistics show that couples who have sex before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don’t have sex before marriage)
(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)
Hope this helps!
PS My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money). A strong man will choose to put aside his sexual desires before marriage because he knows it's best for the long-term health of the relationship.
My second suggestion is that you eventually look for this type of person (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of person is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.
PPS Here are "21 tips that could help you to attract a strong person" from the book True Love Lasts:
1. Take the time and put in the effort to become a strong person yourself (this is the most important tip)
2. Put yourself in as many situations as possible that will allow you to potentially come in contact with other strong people - community service organizations, the library, high school or college clubs, the “Y” or other workout facilities, religious book studies, coffee shops, non-alcoholic parties, bookstores, concerts (wear a good pair of earplugs to protect your ears from permanent hearing loss), co-ed recreational athletic teams, community service projects, mission trips, volunteer service, etc. Try to get to know other people as much as possible without dating
3. Be cheerful, approachable, and friendly - smile regularly to put others at ease (let people see your positive attitude)
4. Take a real interest in getting to know others. Ask people an open-ended question about themselves in order to get them talking. Share things related to what’s been said as needed to keep the conversation going. Then ask them another question
5. Be polite and kind to everyone - even to people who you don’t like or enjoy being around
6. If you decide to not accept a request for a date, do it in a kind way (being rude isn’t a good choice and it doesn’t help you - word about it will get out and you’ll become less approachable)
7. Be confident about yourself - if you’re trying to become a stronger person each day, you already have a lot going for you
8. Be humble - don’t act like you’re Miss Charming or you’re Mr. Wonderful
9. Don’t be concerned about whether or not someone likes you
10. Have the attitude that if someone doesn’t like you - they don’t really know you
11. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep (at least nine hours for teens, at least seven hours for adults according to the experts), exercising regularly (if approved by your doctor), and eating a healthy diet
12. Develop a good sense of humor - including the ability to laugh at your own mistakes
13. Be known as a hard worker
14. Dress well and dress modestly at the same time (wearing seductive clothing doesn’t attract another strong person)
15. Pay attention to your appearance, but don’t obsess over it (remember that strong people are attracted to other strong people, they’re not too concerned about looks - because they realize that looks fade with age). If you use makeup, make sure it’s not excessive. Use perfumes and colognes sparingly - if at all
16. Truly care about other people
17. Stay in close communication with real friends who can help you through the ups and downs of life and hold you accountable
18. Be patient - real friends can help you with this
19. Persevere - please remember that almost nothing worthwhile is quick and easy. Please don’t settle for dating a weak person
20. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to date you
21. Don’t act desperate for a dateSource(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
- FunnelwebLv 71 month ago
It is definitely not too old for a woman.
A woman is a virgin by choice, and most people respect a woman who keeps her virginity. Some men won't consider marrying a woman unless she is a virgin. It's only men who are seen as weird for not having lost their virginity.
The reasons a guy might be scared of taking your virginity aren't because he thinks you're weird for being a virgin. There are two reasons:
a) He is sexually inexperienced himself, and fears he won't perform well because you will both be anxious.
b) He fears you might get too attached to him if he takes your virginity but all he wants is an act of casual sex.
Think carefully about whether you really want to lose your virginity. There are a lot of men who would be glad to date a virgin. But if you do want to lose your virginity it's simply a matter of accepting offers from guys on your own level of attractiveness.
- :)Lv 51 month ago
I’m 22, and I just recently lost my virginity not even 2 months ago. I had my first kiss at 17, which was late compared to many of my peers. I didn’t do anything farther than kissing until I was 17/18.
We all do things at our own pace, and I do believe there’s someone(s) out there for everyone. My current boyfriend is the one who take away my virginity, and before him, I could find a guy that I mutually liked. It seemed like I only attracted weirdos/creeps at the bar.
Prayer and patience helps a lot.