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Son believes my partner is his real dad. ?

I got together with my partner when my kids were 9 and 2. My 9 year old knew his dad and sort of saw him. My 2 year old had no idea who his dad was (we broke up when I was pregnant and he said the child wasn't his)

My partner has a daughter the same age and my 2 year old so when we got together and moved in together she'd stay over and call my partner dad (naturally) my son started doing the same we didn't stop him. My partner does so much for my kids as well as his own. 

What I'm trying to get round to is how do I tell my now nearly 10year old the truth? I'm scared that he'll react adversely and lash out although his nature isn't like. 

7 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    "Son believes my partner is his real dad', that's because he is! Sure, he may not have donated his sperm to you, but, he is and always will remain his "real dad"! He is the one who your son sees every day, the one who goes to his school events/games, the one who encourages him, the one who steps in and disclipines him when the occasion arises. 

    My nephews's were conceived via invitro- My sister used a sperm donor because her husband is unable to reproduce! Anyways, despite him not being the biological father, is is in every real way that counts, he could have chosen to walk away but instead stepped up and chose to be a parent willingly. My nephews are 4 and they worship the ground he walks on, and in the future when they are told that he isn't the bio father, it will change nothing, and I can say for almost certainty that neither of them will stop considering him their father.

    How do you tell him the truth? It's simple "__________ do you know how when a male and female have sex and a baby is made? Well, your father and I never had sex that made you. However he is your Dad, because he chose that role and like him you also chose him in that role, nothing changes here, he is still your dad." 

    Good luck.

    • Melanie2 months agoReport

      Thank you ♥️

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  • edward
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    he moves in...he steps into the father role...he’s already a dad. Seems perfectly normal to me. If you weren’t already common law married i would say get hitched already and make it official.

    • Melanie2 months agoReport

      Thank you ♥️

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  • 2 months ago

    He was 9 years old when you met current partner and I am sure he remembers when he came on the scene and knows he is not his biological dad but he wants to feel part of the family so accepts him as his dad so I would leave it as it is - my grandson was 8 years old when he was in same situation as your son and calls him dad but he knows he is not his bio dad

    • Melanie2 months agoReport

      My eldest was 9 at the time. He was 2

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  • 2 months ago

    Maybe this is not the age to deal with that yet if you don't think he can handle it.

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  • 2 months ago

    What is a real dad? A person who loves and cares for the child, or a sperm donor - biological dad? I expect you know the answer to this, and you can explain it to your child(ren). I expect he has heard of adoption, for example, but even if this is something of a informal adoption, the relationship is what it is: a loving, caring one. The formal theory doesn't really matter, does it? Maybe one day, when he is older, he may well want to know about his bio father, but there as no rush, is there? 

    • Melanie2 months agoReport

      Thank you ♥️

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     I think now is a good time to tell your son. I would say, "you have two fathers, and in memory of your first father, you have his name. Your dad is the man who has raised you and he is very special because he chose to be your father - 

    This child should have been told the truth long ago but know he really need's to be sit down and told the honest truth about who he is and who his real father is and what his real father is like. I would just sit him down and tell him that you 2 need to talk and tell him the truth and then give him a chance to speak his mind and ask question's. do not be surprised if he flip's his mind and blow's up, it is natural especially finding out this. I wish you all the luck.

    At 10 he understands he has a different daddy but is to young to understand enough to let it get to him a way an older child would. If it was myself, I would tell him now. I can only imagine how hard this will be , but it will take the stress off of you and you can relax. Also its easier to tell a 10 year old than a teen. We were teens and know how we would have felt. Lied to and betrayed which then we would rebel. Good luck my new friend, let me know how it goes either way.

    • Melanie2 months agoReport

      Thank you thank you ♥️

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  • 2 months ago

    You know that if you found an infant you would "mother" it. The same is true of men - they can father children who they did not create but they are the fathers of these children.

    • Melanie2 months agoReport

      Thank you ♥️

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