Should I try to help my parents avoid divorce?
I am a grown adult with parents that are on the brink of divorce. I can't exactly say what their biggest issues are, but I am almost positive that they stem from events that have happened years ago.
I am stuck right in the middle (which I know is wrong). My mom and dad both come to me separately and complain about the other. They both say that the other blames them for everything. My mom says my dad doesn't want to talk about anything and just acts like everything is okay. My dad says that every time they speak at all it ends in a fight.
It is extremely frustrating for me because I hate being caught in the middle. I feel like they could easily solve their issues if they would just let go of the past as it always comes up every time they fight.
Should I stay out of it or should I give my input and try to mediate?
(I know I didn't give a lot of detail, but when I did I ended up with too many words to submit my question.)
- AnnLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
Tell them both--both privately, and then sit them down together and tell them together so they both hear it--that you're not going to be caught in the middle of a problem that is not of your making, and therefore you're not going to listen to any tattling and complaining from either one of them. If they want to work things out, they need to go to a family and marriage therapist. If they don't, then they should get divorced. Either way, it is not your problem, and you're not going to be dragged into it. Don't allow them to start blaming you for "being an ungrateful child". Expect them to both get very angry and accuse you of 1)taking the part of the "other one", 2) not caring about them. They may attempt to pressure you by pouting and refusing to speak to you, threatening to cut you off from their wills, etc. Be assured that you're strong enough to withstand their childish antics. If you have to, remove yourself from them for a while. If they call you, tell them you will only talk about subjects other than their relationship. If they start, hang up. Let them know you're serious. It's their problem, not yours. Good luck to you.Source(s): licensed professional counselor
- Anonymous1 month ago
- snwflk11.09Lv 61 month ago
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! You aren't their marriage therapist and shouldn't be. If the triangulating is bothering you, you sit them both down, you say, "I'm not a therapist, if you need to talk about each other to someone you can pay someone for the pleasure but I'm out."
- PearlLv 71 month ago
i would just stay out of it
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- EvaLv 71 month ago
You should not. This is something that should be handled by a professional. They need to go to counseling since they just keep having the same argument over and over with no resolution.
- Anonymous1 month ago
All you can suggest is counseling, they need to work out their own issues. At the end of the day, are they happier with each other or not? People do stick together "for the kids" and when the kids leave the house, you are left with someone you don't want to be with. That's a crappy way to spend the rest of your life. Marriage isn't all fun and games I know but if you actively don't like the other person, it's likely time to either try to fix the issues or move on. Your parents should take a long hard look at the finances of divorce and how both of them will do after.