How to deal with this kind of sister?
My sister is kind of an overbearing and a bully type of person. When we were kids, we were in the same school where she spread a rumor about me saying I have a crush with someone. Because of that, her classmates made fun of me. I also never get to joke about her or get mad of her because she would tend to emasculate me like calling me gay or the f-word, so I was so scared of her while growing up. When someone was bullying me that time and she sees it, she turns her back on me as if we didn't know each other.
When we were a teenager and Friendster (myspace-like social media site) was a thing, she keeps on stalking a guy who was on a school band with me that I don't see often. Instead if using her account, she used mine. Problem about Friendster was there is this function called "people who viewed me" and the guy she was viewing can see who stalked me. So he saw my account and whenever I see him at school, he is mad at me (I didn't tell him the truth because I wasn't good with opening up during that time).
Also, even today as we are in our late 20s, she ignores me when I open up to her with my problems (like someone else was bullying me) or when I ask her some minor favors like some errands. When I criticize about her faults when she talks and behaves on me, she gossips about me to my family like to my other sister and mother and just look down on me in general as if I am immature to her. Part of me keeps on seeking approval to her until now but this is how she treats me.
My confidence must have been very low because of her other than with the rest of my family members as I am the youngest member in our family. I find it hard to confide with someone close to me when we don't bond that much especially if she always has to be "in charge" and that I have to adjust to her (other examples is that we share a room and I shouldn't play music, etc) and she just doesn't listen to me.
Other instances she did to me was when she told my parents about me smoking and when I wanted to switch college due to bullying and opening up to different people about my problems, which angered my parents. Growing up, I realized I kinda lived in fear with her because I now feel like I should act appropriately to her when I realized that I didn't stand up against her. And when I do that, she manipulates me with (again) emasculating me and gossiping about me.