Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

Friends who disappear for weeks?

Hello, so I am kind of bothered by this, so thought I'd post. I've had this friend for a couple of years. We have a lot in common in terms of where we're from, what we believe, etc. Some days she'd call me 5 times a day just to chat. We'd be texting back and forth all the time. However, sometimes I'd call or text and there would be no response, not for days. Sometimes weeks. Then out of the blue she'd pop up again as if nothing happened. I did ask her what's up. She'd get mildly offended. It started to be a little too weird for my tastes. I am the type who calls back and texts right away, not 2 weeks later. I think it's plain rude to blow someone off for weeks and then show up back in their life. I don't have a lot of friends, just mainly acquaintances, so I enjoyed the interaction we had but I am thinking it's time to move on? Lately, she'd only be calling while in the car because she was bored. I guess to me friendship means a lot more than calling someone because you're bored. Also, I felt used because she'd mainly ask me questions and not share too much, always quoting that her life is too boring.

Update:

My question was what to do, to move on or respond? We never really spent that much time in each other's company. She is busy with her kid and such, so she would only call. Usually, when I'd invite her to meet somewhere, she'd refuse. She'd also supposedly invite me to her house and then not pick up when I'd call to say I am leaving. So I wouldn't go obviously, and then it would be "oops, I didn't see the call". 

Update 2:

So you don't think that someone who calls you all day long would just drop off for 2-3 weeks and then reappear like hello! Keep in mind, meanwhile they didn't pick up or respond to your texts.

8 Answers

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  • Janet
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    She can only offer what she can offer. It is like this for any kind of relationship.

    Either we accept what the other does have to offer, or we need to move on.

    Perhaps you have some inner issues about your self-worth, and so you take her absences as a negative comment on your worth.

    Or perhaps because you don't have a lot of friends you rely on her more and her absences feel scary, making you feel alone.

    I don't live in your head, but your reaction needs some self-examination MORE than just walking away from it. It is not reasonable to be so dependent on the attention of a friend and there is more going on within you than you are telling us (and perhaps more than you are telling yourself?)

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  • 1 month ago

    Move on or respond? Well it's up to you, a totally personal decision. Some people would move on and some people would respond. Nobody can tell you what YOU want.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Accept people as they are.

    People have lives to live 

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  • Linda
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    I understand where you are coming from and I have had friends just like that in the past. These people are usually wishy washy, insecure, and go from person to person...in other words, they have issues. I told Nancy, a friend who acted much like your friend that I didn't like the way she acted and she moved on and got mad at me. I haven't missed her and I like stable people who don't leave things hanging one day or call you when you are the last resort and say one thing and do another. My advice?...find a new friend who you can trust to be there for you and not when they want something from you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I think your expectations are unrealistic.  I have friends that I hear from a lot, and friends that I hear from a few times a year.  No big deal.  You are making too much drama out of the situation.

    Edit:  Sounds like you just want someone to agree with you.  You are unwilling to see another viewpoint.

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  • 1 month ago

    If you're tired of her, move on. It would drive me literally nuts if someone called me five times in one day and texted me all day long.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    When was the last time you actually spent time in each others company,  for coffee, bowling, for something to eat etc?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Ok...but what is your question?   You didn't actually ask one. 

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