Ali asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 3 weeks ago

In desperate need of advice please ?

I have two children and my boyfriend has three. After only a couple of months together, I got pregnant by accident. My boyfriend and his kids have practically moved into my home. I was raised to be clean and be respectful of other people's things, so I'm struggling a lot. His kids are extremely messy and they tear my things up all the time. His oldest daughter has a problem with stealing and she's taken several things from me. Two of his kids have health problems that require constant attention and they can be a handful. I feel like I've gained 4 children overnight (including the one in my stomach) I still have two children of my own that need my attention too. I'm so overwhelmed and I feel like he's expecting me to take over the mothering role to his kids right away. (Their mom is not in the picture) Plus, he doesn't help pay for anything. Although they are at my home every night, I'm the only one paying the bills, buying the food, buying household stuff, etc. Sometimes I feel like I just want a night to myself with my kids, but he makes me feel guilty for that. I feel like so much more responsibility has been put on my shoulders and I'm beyond stressed out. Any advice?

Update:

He wants me to be super involved with his kids, but he hardly ever even speaks to mine. Also, he gets upset if I don't make dinner every single night for everyone. Not only can I not afford it because he doesn't buy any food, but I work just like he does. I don't believe it should always be the women in the kitchen cooking. Plus, he refuses to help with any chores around the house. Some days it will take me a few hours just to clean up the messes his kids made.

Update 2:

Also, I have addressed all of these concerns with him and nothing has changed.

8 Answers

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  • 3 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    That sounds like a great deal for him!  A free housekeeper, cook, and babysitter, and he has a free place to live!

    What we allow is what will continue.  YOU are allowing them to live in your home. YOU are cooking for everyone and paying for it. YOU are doing everything - since this is clearly his character, what motivation does he have to be any different?

    What steps are YOU willing to take to make this stop?

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Uh... make him get a job??

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Too bad you were dumb enough to have sex on the first date. You got what was coming. Too bad you didn't plan better, now you are having a baby with a freeloader.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    I am sorry to hear this, tell him to step up and start buying groceries and getting his kids to clean up and helping around the house (both him and the kids if possible), tell him it is too much for you and if he does not step up then you will have to kick him out.  Then proceed to do so.  He is USING you at this point, don't let him.

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  • y
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    So you have allowed yourself to become the mommy, the maid, the nanny, all on his terms. Isn't it nice? What are you going to do about it? He makes you feel guilty for not doing what he wants? Sounds like a healthy relationship.

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  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    It sounds like you aren't  ready  to create a blended family. Perhaps it is time for you to seriously think about whether this man (and his entanglements) are for you.

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  • Petter
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Yeah, you should probably tell him about all this, not us. Say things like "This relationships will never work if I have to do all the work and pay for it as well."

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Omg just talk to someone

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