Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 1 month ago

how would you handle a three year old who talked back to you?

My three year old is very defiant. She has not been exposed to defiant kids, it's been a natural thing for her. She talks back to everything "Leave me alone!" "NO! I'm not doing that!' "go away mom." "don't look at me!" in public if I take her hand to leave a store or something she will scream "Stop touching me!!!!! You're hurting me leave me alone! " she is do disagreeable and always has been. Should I ignore these comments? or give her a time out? I try not to let her back talk get to me but it's overwhelming sometimes when she talks so rudely to me. 

Update:

the worst is in public like if I go to pick her up from school or in a grocery store when others are around. She won't listen at all and will be very rude and defiant.

14 Answers

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  • art
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    a good old fashioned slap on the bum every time she says something like that will work wonders.

    if your a limp wristed liberal and wont dicipline your child in public then put baby reins on her when you are outside with her for safety - I am sure after a few days of that she would rather hold your hand than being seen in public wearing reins

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Put some hot sauce or hot pepper on her tongue.  She has been hearing this from somewhere.......................

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  • 4 weeks ago

    A good old- fashioned butt whoopin'

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  • 1 month ago

    discipline is better than allowing bad behavior to continue. this video made for kids shows the value of discipline:

    https://www.jw.org/en/library/videos/#en/mediaitem...

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  • 1 month ago

    The problem here is you have lost all control of the situation!

    She's 3! At 3 they like to push boundaries and to see where there limit are with the parent/other adult in their lives, basically, they don't feel secure, and are looking for that sense of security.

    To me its situational! If she throws a tantrum in public/is rude, than you physically escort her into the car and the minute she gets home she is instantly put in time out for no more than 10 minutes! During the escort, you say NOTHING, do NOT engage with her! Let her scream/cry/yell etc, do not engage, because she IS looking for a fight, and that's now how problems are resolved. When the time out is over, then is the time you calmly and firmly explain she will NOT speak to you that way in public, and you explain to her there will be consequences (ie going to bed an hour early for a week), and you explain she will not be going out in public with you until she can show she's trustworthy. 

    On the flip side, children also need their space too! So if your at home and she tells you "leave me alone" then respect that, and don't push her! Just because she's 3, doesn't mean she's any less human, and like the rest of us, children need their own time for themselves without adult interference.

    I have 4 nieces and nephews (all 6 and under) and they can be tempermental by nature, my nephews espically! My oldest niece is pretty even-keeled and she doesn't really get testy with adults, so i can safely say that's never been an issue with her lol. My nephews though are moody, and they often tell me to "go home" or "leave me alone" (even though I haven't bothered them), sometimes they say "I don't like you etc", and one of them will try to hit me occasionally. What do I do? Most times I try to understand their POV, but if I really feel they are out of line with me, they are told in no uncertain terms they will not speak to me like that! When they hit? I usually block their swings and I firmly grab them and tell them NO, and usually they back down right away.

    The problem with you, is you are not in control here, and your daughter senses it.

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  • 1 month ago

    OH MY!!! That is horrible! I know many people don’t believe in spanking, I for one am not one of those people. Spanking addresses the bad behavior  immediately and this consequence for bad behavior is direct and to the point. Use  A stern voice, don’t yell.  A stern voice has more authority  and is more understandable. When you start yelling they’re so focused on the yelling they don’t hear the words that you’re saying. 

     I feel that putting kids in time out is a waste of time and  accomplishes nothing. Kids are not really thinking about what they did wrong. They are already past that moment. They are thinking “how much time do I have left. “ 

    SPANKING leaves  no confusion.  To address a bad behavior the first time  it happens is  desirable  so it does not become a bad habit.  Unfortunately as parents we have to sometimes backtrack and correct our errors.   When this happens, consistency is the best way to effectively fix the problem.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would give her a time out

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  • 1 month ago

    A child that age behaving like that is crying out for help.

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  • Jill
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    What happens when she acts this way? Are there any consequences? 

    No you should not ignore it. You should tell her before you go out how you expect her to behave and make it very clear what the consequence will be if she acts out. When she acts out you follow through. You need to show her who is boss. Just saying "please don't talk to mummy that way" is pointless if there are no consequences for doing it. 

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  • 1 month ago

    She needs to be disciplined. When I was a kid and I said something like that to my parents, I would lose computer game privileges for a couple days. I personally think that short term punishments like time out are less effective than the temporary loss of a privilege. They have the next few days without whatever it is that has been taken away, and their discomfort for those few days really conveys the punishment. Those few days let her process the fact that she's lost something because she said something unacceptable, and she'll learn not to repeat it. Time out gives kids 5-10 minutes to think about what they did before they go back and play. First, establish the rules with her. Make sure that she knows that if she talks back to you, she will face a consequence (provide examples for her). When she does talk back, you have got to enforce it and take away what you said you would take. It might take a few tries, but she'll learn that what she says to you is not acceptable and she can't get away with it.

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