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How do I better communicate with my girlfriend? ?

We "co-habitate" and there have been many cleanliness issue, mostly stemming from her laziness (such as her un-willingness to dust even though we have 2 dogs together.) Our fights usually stem from us getting frustrated with each others crap that gets 'piled' everywhere. She also has a bit of an emotional connection issue, and gets in a heated temper when I try to get serious and talk about our problems or her feelings.

Update:

P.S. We are on a loosely defined chore schedule where I do dishes and dog-cleanup, and she does laundry and topical cleaning. I was unaware she hated dusting until yesterday, and we definitely need clear responsibilities in cleaning the rest of this place. Things seemed great until yesterday 😂

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like it’s quite difficult for you. I wouldn’t want to date someone like that. I guess if you really care about someone, you try to see past their imperfections. As for your issues with communicating with her, maybe you’re taking the wrong approach. Try to not bring up certain subjects in an argumentative way and just be diplomatic in your approach. Explain yourself in a way that she’ll understand. Good luck. You’re going to need it.

    • Little2 months agoReport

      I'll try to find some creative solutions to reach a middle ground. Conversations become arguments way too quickly. She has considerable trust issues (due to upbringing), but she is very quick to anger when talking about or dealing with serious issues regarding emotion in any way. 

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  • 2 months ago

    I appreciate all of these :D, I really want to make this work

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  • 2 months ago

    Make an outline and assignment of household chores.

    • Little2 months agoReport

      Funny enough, we actually have a split chore list, but I often end up doing her chores. I also dusted before leaving for a month for a Christmas family trip, and came home to a messy dusty house. I cleaned the day before I and left it spotless haha

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  • LizB
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Well, do you dust at least half the time, or do you expect her to do it all? If dusting is that important to you, maybe you should do all the dusting while she takes on the bulk of another chore that that you dislike more than she does. And if you're both bad about leaving clutter around, then make a trip to IKEA or Target and figure out better storage solutions. A handful of Command hooks and some cube storage units can work wonders.

    • Little2 months agoReport

      I dust and organize more often, but she does clean on occasion. I think the communication issues lie in how we organize things, as well as the shared workload

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  • Linda
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I think your girlfriend is set in her ways and doesn't want to change and no amount of talking will help her understand how you feel. The only recourse you have is to break up or try counseling as a last attempt to help her see the error of her ways. If she refuses that, I'd be looking for the nearest exit out of there.

    • Little2 months agoReport

      She is pretty stubborn, but yesterday she realized there was a problem, and we ultimately realized counseling could help. We'll see what works out 

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