Andy asked in HealthWomen's Health · 1 month ago

My sex life has become bad?

Hi,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year now and we used to have lots of amazing sex. This however has changed over the last month or so, it has now become rare for us to even have sex weekly. The reason for this is because she has developed some kind of fear of things going inside her vagina, to the point where its become painful and not pleasurable. I obviously need to be as supportive as I can for her cus i can imagine its upsetting for her but she doesn’t really seem that bothered. I would never ever pressure her into having sex with me and just putting up with the pain, I want her to enjoy it as much as me. I am really starting to miss the sex but she doesn’t seem willing to see a sex therapist and I feel like we’re running out of options as we don’t seem to be making any progress. Does anyone know if this is normal? We’re both young (17) if that could be a reason. Has anyone else been through anything similar? Really need advice!!

Thanks

6 Answers

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  • M.P.
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Either she wants help and is willing to seek it or she is happy with the way that she is - which makes the 2 of u incompatible and it's time for you to leave her and find someone who is more sexual, and for her to find someone who is less, like her.

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  • :)
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    At 17, she does not need to see a sex therapist. It would be hard for her to since she’s under 18. She should actually see a gyno instead. Every sexually active girl should.

    A lack of sex is detrimental for serious, long term relationships and marriages but isn’t that serious when you’re a teenager. I understand that sex means a lot to you, but you can go without it.

    No one suddenly develops a fear like that for no reason. She has had either a bad sexual experience or a bad experience with a gyno or some other medical professional that caused her some pain. This is something she can work through as she gets older. You two are still kids

    • Andy4 weeks agoReport

      i forgot to mention, she actually had the fobia before she was with me, she has only just gained the courage to put tampons in when i started dating her, so i managed to get her over it but it has come back

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  • Marc
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Im sorry to say this but if she is not willing take steps to address the issues FOR HER then you may need to make another choice. Love is when 2 full people come together and bring love to the relationship and sex is the expression of that love. If one person is not full and is not willing to take steps to address it then there is a disconnect...a separation. Love requires no sacrifices. Are you feeling like you are sacrificing? It is your right to be happy. Im not saying at the first sign of a problem to cut bait and run...but if it is persistent its time to make another choice or at least communicate that this is not ok for you...if you want to be happy. Im not just saying this is about the sex. It can be anything in the relationship. You sound like a good guy and want to be loving and understanding, but there is nothing you can do. She has to address the issues with her body. Being accountable to yourself is very important. Example. If you stared to suffer from ED and couldn't have sex, but you could take a pill to regain function, but just decided that you didnt want to but you GF wanted to have sex, how would she feel? Confused? Rejected? Angry? How long before she would start looking elsewhere? You are young and should be enjoying yourself and not tied up in all of this...but thats not really for me to say.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    She needs to go see a gynecologist.  There may be an actual physical reason for this problem.  She can go to any planned parenthood office to get checked and her parents DO NOT have to know about it.   This is really the ONLY way she will find out exactly what's going on.  There's nothing for her to be embarrassed or ashamed about in this matter.  Just get it sorted properly so you two can be in a mutually satisfying, healthy relationship.

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  • ron h
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It's likely one of two things: either she's terrified of pregnancy or she's having some doubts about sex, either at her current age or wtth you in particular. To be crude,  if she used to suck your dick but has also stopped that, it's not about pregnancy. Have you ever hurt her vag during sex?  Either goin' in too fast or before she was wet enough to take you? If there's a Planned Parenthood in your city, she should try to make an appointment for an exam and a talk about contraception. 

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  • 1 month ago

    sound like she has experimented and stuck something in there giving her second thoughts

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