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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 3 months ago

I have not been able to see my Dad since he is a suspect in my Mom's murder. Would I be justified to write to him, am I wrong to believe him?

I miss him and I am confused. I told the counselor I like him but I am scared he killed Mom since he is charged. He says he is innocent and I want to believe him but I don't. I hated my Mom for leaving him and now I miss her and hate myself. My grandfather taking care of me says this is all normal. He doesn't even speak ill of my Dad even though he is said to have killed my grandfather's daughter. He did admit that he thinks my Dad did it. Right now my grandfather is all I have. My siblings have a different father and they went with him. I have no Dad anymore unless he didn't do it.

So would I be wrong to write to him and should I ask him straight out if he did it? I am 15 and male.

Update:

Thank you all and thank you for the prayers BonnieJ

8 Answers

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  • 3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Legally, you have every right to write to your father.

    Whatever you choose to say to him in a letter or ask him is completely up to you.

    Remember that he may not choose to write about the murder case he is accused of or weather he did it or not.  His lawyer will not want him to.

    But you may feel better by just communicating with him because you miss him.

    And now, something important for you:  It is WRONG to hate your mother for leaving your father because she has every right to, especially if he was abusive to her.  And if he did kill her and the jury finds him guilty, you will have to accept the fact that he murdered your mother and took her life away from her and no one has the right to do that.  You must get this clear in your head right now.  No one had the right to murder your mother for ANY REASON!

    Your Mom had a sacred right to lead her own life as she chose to....JUST LIKE YOU!

    No one has the right to harm you or take your life away because you do not do what they say or you do something they don't like.  Get this straight.

    But if you want to communicate with your father you have a right to.

    And if he is a murderer, don't allow his way of thinking to influence you.

    There is no justification for murder and no man is above the law.

    • ron h
      Lv 7
      3 months agoReport

      To start, you have no reason to believe that HE abused HER.  and you / we have no way to guess who killed his mother or why. 

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  • Eva
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    You could ask him, but he will continue to tell you he's innocent whether he did it or not. Jailhouse correspondence is all reviewed so there's no way he would put in writing that he did it.

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  • ron h
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    As much as you need to ask your father if he did that, he can't answer you right now. Mail to and from him is read and phone calls to him are recorded. I think he'll want tell you that he did NOT do that OR that there's a good reason that he did.  Right now I can't think of a good reason, but I certainly don't know. But I think that you should write him and say that you miss him and miss your mother without blaming him for her dying. I think that some day he'll be able to talk to you about what he knows. I'm sure that whatever happened, he wishes he was at home with you. Remember that Your mother didn't leave because of you or your siblings and whatever happened to her is just fuggin' crazy but you didn't make that happen either.  And it sounds like your grandfather is a good man, and so are you.  This is about the worst thing I can imagine, but you will end up OK.  You can be afraid that your dad did this horrible thing, but don't be certain-don't give up on him until you know what happened.

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  • 3 months ago

    Wow kiddo, that's alot even for a grown up.  Do you an your father have a good relationship? I do believe people have to be proven guilty by a jury of their peers. It sounds like to me that you want to write him so you must love him... love prevails all. If he's guilty then you can make a different decision later if u choose but if he's innocent and you aren't in his corner than what does that say about you. If you believe he did it then you don't have to have any contact with him. I pray for you sake this is all a mistake and with your grandfather you are in the best place you can be! Good luck I'll keep u in my thoughts and Prayers!

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  • 3 months ago

    All of what is normal? And of course you are confused, you love your father. you should write him.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    i would ask him straight out if he did it

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  • 3 months ago

    please don't ask him if he did it. to tell you "yes" would be an admission of guilt that would guarantee he goes to prison (of course, maybe this is what you want or need for closure?). give him the benefit of the doubt if that's what your heart leads you to do. wait for the trail to be over. let the courts decide if he's guilty before you decide to "hate" him, if that's your plan. if he is innocent, he is vindicated. if he is found guilty, still write to him but follow your heart. remember, even if he is guilty and goes to prison one day, many years from now when you're an adult, he will likely be released and he will still be your dad and he will still love you.

    be careful about blaming yourself. this is making me cry just thinking about it. it's not your fault. you will always suffer as long as you carry the baggage of thinking it is. you did not force your mom to leave or anyone to raise a hand against her. seek Forgiveness for yourself, your Mom, and for the guilty party.

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  • 3 months ago

    There's nothing wrong with writing to your father. I'd ease in to asking him if it's true that he committed the murder. You didn't say whether he plead guilty or innocent.

    I hope things work out for you

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