Should your boyfriend go to therapy if you ask him to? What if he won’t? ?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we both have a plethora of personal problems that have taken a toll on the relationship. I have begun going to therapy after taking a financial break and I feel like it is not only beneficial for his personal growth but also necessary for saving the relationship that my boyfriend attend therapy as well (even couples therapy). He refuses to do it claiming “he doesn’t believe in it for himself” but then tells me I need to work on things and talk to my therapist about xyz 

Update:

Alternatives?

23 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    What "should" happen and what does happen are often very different things. Should you be able to require that he do so? You can if you want. If he turns you down and you break up... choices were made. You both made them. "Should he have the right to turn you down?" Yes. I think he ought to be glad to join you ... maybe the therapist will recommend separate sessions after the first joint one. It's happened. There are consequences for most of our choices. Keep going to therapy. Sometimes we just have to make our own choices.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Therapy does not work 

    since you and he clearly are not a good match the proper advice is move on find a better match. 

    But ask your self... if the idea of going to therapy for it to change you ?

    or change him? 

    I am sure you do not see your self needing changing so the idea is you want him to change. 

    what is "a financial break" 

    that sounds like your not paying your own way and he will not give you money

    "I feel like it is not only beneficial for his personal growth"

    when a women says personal growth she means he needs to do everything her way and like it 

    I do not see why you want to stay with him,,, he is happy with who he is and you are not happy with who he is.

    so find a man who is already who you want not destroy this guy trying to change him 

    the sooner you move on the sooner you will have opportunity to choose to be happy 

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 4 weeks ago

    If he doesn't wanna work on it then it's time to break up because you'll never resolve any issues major or minor by not talking it out. You don't have to go to therapy to talk it out but by him refusing to do that he just eliminated another way of resolving things between you two. I think he really just doesn't wanna try that's what it sounds like. If i were you i would move on you can do better than someone who gives up so easily.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    If he dont want to work on it, nothing would get better, think about dumping him

    • Login to reply the answers
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    he is a sociopath. there is NO CURE. Never take a sociopath to therapy. They are MASTERS are accusing the innocent of being the crazy one. Get away from him asap www.lovefraud.com

  • Rick
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Men tend to find it harder to deal with their feelings, so the idea of going to therapy is scary for them.  Since you can't force him to do this, despite knowing how much it would help him if he's willing to do the work, you need to accept it.  That might change but it's how it is for the time being.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    What was it Billy Joel said? Ah, you may be right, I may be crazy but it just might be a lunatic you're looking for, turn out the lights, don't try to save me, you may be wrong but you may be right.

    • Fireplace
      Lv 6
      1 month agoReport

      Remember when I found you there alone in your electric chair...

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    keep going on your own, and follow your therapists advice.

    after thoroughly communicating about you and your boyfriend. 

    dont make anything sound like his fault. just keep to the details. you might find you are the only one that needs to be going.  you might also find out how to fix your relationship all on your own about you and then lead by a good example for  him.  dont try to change him, change yourself and if he sees the worth in that he will follow and change also.  and in that he probably will also want to go with you to therapy.  

    long ago i read about an alcoholic couple that met long after they were both drinking addicts.  one of them saw the light and changed, gave up the booze, not even a year later the first expected the second to give it up also or break up.  that the other should have changed at the same time as the first and couldnt understand why it didnt happen that way.  some of the better advice was to do just what i suggested to you, dont just give up and run away, but to lead by example in hopes the light will be seen once again.  

    people dont just drift away, they either move or push away when disinterested instead of giving up other interests in leu of their commitment.  who's fault is that? 

    you have lasted 6 years, everyone has problems, always. there is not many couples that dont have strife in their life.  the key is to grow past them and use them as lessons and not reasons to give up.  my wife and i argue, she makes mistakes and i make mistakes.  we both have some bad habits and we both get frustrated dealing with them.  we both lose it sometimes and we both apologise for that later when calmed down and realise where we went wrong. and we are still able to point out where the other went wrong, get upset, argue, calm down again and admit the other was correct for pointing it out.  most of the time we dont argue on that. but it does happen. its going to happen again.  

    your boyfriend may abusive, neglecting or just doesnt care cuz he might be the one who will do the breaking up and is either hoping it will just come together or is waiting it out for the optimum moment of not going bankrupt to move on, like most humans do.  you cant do much about that and sorry if thats what happens.  half the people who dont want to go to therapy dont need it and the other have deny it, completely blame the other and are usually the one to leave.  unless they are a freeloader.  

    if you are trying, keep trying, for you. if things dont improve, not just what you think is on his part but yours as well, you will eventually need to tell him its over. if you can accept it the way it is, with or without your own personal improvements, and you truly love him and he respectfully loves you too, dont do anything to ruin that expecting things to be perfect.  you lasted 6 years for a reason.  

    • Login to reply the answers
  • mokrie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    So you need to decide if you've wasted 6 years of your life or not.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    if he needs therapy then he should go otherwise not

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    People can only accept help when they are ready for it.  You can't force a person to change they have to want to.  You can however try to point out why he would want to.

    • Login to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.