Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 7 days ago

My sister invited me to her wedding and insisted that I don't bring my wife?

There are tensions between my wife and my family. I will spare you the details.

My wife is no angel and she contributed to the situation, but my sister, by this gesture, showed me that she doesn't want truce.

I'm put in a difficult position because whatever side I choose, I lose some people I care about. Although, I think I should not go to the wedding because my family didn't extend a hand for peace and instead keep alienating my wife. They pushed me into this corner. I think I have no other choice. What do you think?

36 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 days ago

    You should skip the wedding unless your sister changes her mind. But this is a pretty big deal so unless your sister is crazy you might be married to a monster. Don't be so blinded by love that you let your spouse drive a permanent wedge between you and your family.

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  • Anonymous
    3 days ago

    You're right,,DON'T go to the frkn wedding cause it will only cause that uncomfortable feeling that comes with everybody there pretending Not to be pretending they don't  notice your wife isn't with you because your Sister is being such a Dumb Bi*ch about it,,,

    If she's gonna insist on inviting you NOT to bring your Wife to her wedding then that's her prerogative, but since your wife is the one you sleep with & not your sister, the only SMART thing to do is just snail-mail her a gift certificate with a tacky card that your Wife picked out and NOT go to the wedding at all. 

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  • 4 days ago

    Go to the wedding, your wife will just have to deal with it.

    Blood is thicker than water my friend.

    • Linda
      Lv 6
      4 days agoReport

      No it isn't 

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  • 5 days ago

    I was in a similar situation where my mum turned on my husband - he had done nothing wrong other than she thought he should continually race across the country to do her chores for her (to save her paying someone local,  she has plenty of money) and she would complain if he did not always agree with her or do what she wants - he is 64 years old and a managing director !  I had to either let it go and keep hearing her bad mouthing him and agreeing with her or take his side.   This means not visiting her as he would be expected to drive me across the country to see her and then get bad mouthed or the cold shoulder. You choose which is best for you. Nobody knows these people like you do, they can only guess. 

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  • Anonymous
    6 days ago

    They know you are married and both of you should get invited.  It's in very poor taste for them to not invite your wife.  It sends a big loud message that they don't want you two together.  If you have children they may mistreat them like they mistreat your wife.  If I were you I would not go.  Don't send a card or gift either.

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  • 6 days ago

    You sleep with your wife. You go to bed with her every night and wake up with her every morning. She is your priority.

    I would sit down and write your sister a letter. Not an email and no texting. Write her a letter in your own handwriting letting her know that you understand tensions have been high and fully understand the accountability surrounding past drama. However, you and your wife have discussed that a truce is of the best interest of the whole family and as your wife you are standing by her. Let your sister know that she is putting you in a terrible decision to choose her marriage over yours. And, you would hope that her husband would be her priority as much as your wife your priority. And, therefore you will not be attending her wedding without your wife.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    6 days ago

    You will need to decide which relationship is more important to you.   

    My husband won't attend an event where I wasn't welcome and neither would I with very few exceptions (read work functions).  We both though get along well with each others immediate family. 

    If your wife and sister are both a-holes to each other (it happens) and are known to have public spats with each other then it's better she doesn't go, but that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't.  Your sister is presumably only getting married once, you may be on better terms with her in the future and regret not attending.  Though I get along with my in-laws if for some reason that changed and my husband received an invite to his sisters wedding and didn't include me...  I'd still encourage him to go for the simple fact that I wouldn't want to put him in the middle of it and if we weren't on good terms I might just be relieved to not receive an invite.

    I don't like my brothers wife and she doesn't like me though we prefer to not be in each others company.  We both are at fault in it, mostly her.  I say mostly her because she doesn't even get along with her own family.  My brother mostly has been in the middle and he took her side for a long time, any more he will let her know when he thinks she is wrong (but he does so in private) and my husband also privately will let me know if/when he thinks I was.

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    • Kelly
      Lv 7
      6 days agoReport

      Why do you care about what I write? I'm giving my own experience in the same situation.  You seem to critique a lot of answers from people, maybe stay in your own lane?  #BusyBody

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  • 7 days ago

    You and your wife are a social unit - there is no valid etiquette that allows you to be invited without her.

    You've not given enough to know whether this can be resolved beforehand or not; but you probably need to speak to all concerned to see whether this is an option, before making your choice re whether you attend

    • Messykatt
      Lv 7
      6 days agoReport

      I disagree.  In fact, etiquette has always said there are exceptions to this if a spouse has a high potential to cause drama.  So it's considered rude because it's likely to make other guests uncomfortable.  The problem here is, we don't have enough info to know for sure who the bad guys are. 

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  • 7 days ago

    It sounds like that because there's problems between your wife and family, your sister doesn't want to have a scene at her wedding. A wedding is a time of celebration, happiness and a big event that she will remember for the rest of her life. It sounds like she's just trying to prevent any issues and would rather have her whole family there than just your wife, since she has tensions with multiple people.

    This happened between my sister-in-law and my uncles girlfriend. When my brother and my sister-in-law were getting married, she absolutely didn't want my uncles girl friend there because she causes problems. She's opinionated to the point of argument, narcissistic and has no sense of boundaries.

    People don't want their wedding to be a platform of tense atmosphere. I wouldn't be upset at the sister for this. A wedding is NOT the time to try and mend relationships. If I was you, I would tell your wife, "I love you and I understand why you believe what you do, but I need to be there for my sister for this wedding. I'm putting away all disagreements and arguments to be there for her during this once in a life time event. After this, we can sort out any issues you have."

    BTW, you say your wife is no angel but then you get upset that your family alienates her. Instead of pointing the finger and blaming the other party, why don't YOU & your wife extent a truce? Agree to ignore the past and BOTH parties look toward the future and put in effort to build a relationship. You can't blame your family for not extending peace, you aren't doing it either.

  • Anonymous
    7 days ago

    I would not attend a family wedding where my spouse and I were not invited as a unit.  That being said, my spouse knows how to behave so I would never be in your predicament.

    I would not be married to someone who is "no angel" and who contributed to the situation and will not make it right.

    You're at a crossroads.   You married a cow and your sister is a cow too.   Family or wife...you pick.    Do you have kids?  That would be a big factor in my decision-making process.

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