Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

What should I do about a narcissistic mother in-law? ?

The last time my mother in-law was at our home she faked a stroke to get my husband’s undivided attention. I watched her from a mirror in the hall, pull her pants down around her knees, lay on the ground, then start screaming my name. She then demanded I call my husband home from a card game he was attending at our oldest son’s home. The doctors all said there was nothing wrong in her test results, but she absolutely wore him out, waiting on her hand and foot. Now she’s living with her daughter 10 hours away. My husband went to visit her in October. He was their 14 days, came home tired and sick. My mother in-law is now crying for him to go back to see her. She keeps whining and nagging. He’s feeling guilty and says that he needs to go see her again. The last time he was there he spent a whole lot of money buying 2 bills of groceries, taking his family out to eat.. it really set us back financially. Now he’s wanting to do it all again. I don’t agree with it, but I don’t know what to say or if I should say anything at all. What should I do? 

Update:

Like to add that my husband doesn’t see her antics, but I do and so do our grown sons. He’s very attached to her and talks to her almost every single day on the phone. I love him, but It’s put a strain on my marriage, because of his abnormal attachment to her, the thought of him even touching me makes me cringe and gag. 

Update 2:

She pulled her pants down to claim she passed out on the toilet. I watched her. That didn’t happen. I watched her, from the hallway pull her pants down and get on the floor. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I kept it to myself for her sake and my husband’s. 

Update 3:

We’ve been together 30 years. He’s allowed her to cause problems for 3 decades. He’s also allowed his sister and nieces to cause problems as well. 

Update 4:

Sparky, I just don’t see that happening. During her last visit she had me take her to K-Mart to pick up some things. She loaded her basket with hundreds of dollars worth of make-up, hair moose, sweat suits, jeans and sweaters. I sat on the bench by the door while she checked out. The next thing I know, the checkout clerk is tapping me on the shoulder, informing me that her card was denied. My MIL asked me to pay, saying her son would approve. It’s been this way for 3 decades. 

Update 5:

Thanks for the comments. I tried talking to him, telling him that I was concerned about his health and our finances in regard to the trip. He always comes home tired, sick and broke. He went off the rails, calling me every kind of b**** and wh***. I just walked away and left him ranting. For 3 decades. It’s always the same.  

Update 6:

Anonymous, you’re right, but I’m not resentful. I’m concerned. The last time he was there he came home very ill. He also said that the visits are hard on him. I don’t go around his family and they don’t come to my home. I drew the line there and I’m good with that, but you’re right. I’m gonna let him do him. As long as they don’t bother me. I stopped letting them run my life. If he wants to continue then that’s on him. 

Update 7:

He’s now apologized and says he’s not going there any time soon, that he’s just recouping from his last visit and that when he does go it’s only for a couple of days with a budget and back home again. He says that he knows how his mom can be and understands my feelings... and that’s why he doesn’t have his family to our home... We will see how long it lasts. Anyways, thanks again for the comments

5 Answers

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  • Sparky
    Lv 6
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your husband needs to see her for what she is or he will continue to cater to her every whim

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    just stay away from her as much as possible

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You’ve been married long enough to know that your husband is going to continue the same behavior he has been displaying for the past 30 years with any issues that relates to his family. You know how I know? I’m married to the same type of man. Great guy, but a complete pushover when it comes to his family. Pretty sure your husband does see his families antics. Like my husband, your husband grew up around it, he tolerates it because he’s accustomed to it. It’s normal to him, he deals with it. You can’t bc you see it for what it is...manipulation. You husband is going to do whatever HE wants. So let him do it by himself. I would step away and let him deal with it. Don’t let resentment ruin your marriage and your life. 

     

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  • 1 month ago

    Im sure your husband has always been a mommy's boy - even before you were married. Am i right? It's not going to change.

    sorry

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  • 1 month ago

    Remind your husband to whom he made his wedding vows - was it you or mother? His sister is caring for her, so why does he need to go there more than about once a year for a few days. And you can go with him. It's up to him, but I would tell him that if he goes, you won't be here when he gets back. Make sure you have your own finances that he cannot get into to give his mother. Hope you can work it out. Have a great 2020!

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