Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 2 months ago

I hate  my engagement ring?

Bf and I have been together for 6 years. Our relationship  could  definitely  use a lot more work but we're  trying. My bf proposed to me using a cheap jewelry box with the ring  just tossed in there. The ring turned out to be this pomegranate cheap looking ring.  Doesnt look like a engagement ring at all. I told him I liked  pomegranates once and told me that's why he bought it. The proposal felt fake, rushed and not the one that I deserve. He told me the ring cost a lot and out of curiosity I looked  up the ring and found it easily on multiple websites  that sold it for $2-$4. Now, I'm not a gold digger by any means but I feel like that's  disrespectful to me and the love we share. How do I tell him that I don't like the ring and I don't mind waiting longer to build our relationship and give him the chance to save for a ring. He has a job. There's absolutely no excuse. He already posted that we're engaged on social media, which technically we are because I said yes because  i didn't want to break his heart but it just doesn't  feel right. I need advice.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Have you previously talked about rings and what you liked?  When my husband was getting ready to propose or ring shop he asked what I like so he could avoid getting something I didn't.

    If your relationship needs "a lot more work" you're not in a place where you're ready to be considering getting married, at least not yet.

    If he has to save longer to buy a ring..  if he can't afford a ring...  how are you going to afford a wedding and more importantly life after the wedding?

    I always tell people..  "if you can't afford to GET married, you can't afford to BE married".  Being married isn't about a big & expensive wedding, but the number one cause of marital problems is finances and it's easier if you're financially stable.  My guy, I would have married him with no ring.  The prize was him, not the ring.

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    • Kelly
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      drugs for many is a serious addiction, some get past it and others don't.  sometimes the addiction is stronger than the person.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I'm shocked by your reason for accepting his proposal.  Take all the time you need to work on your relationship/marriage.  

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  • 2 months ago

    It’s not going to get any better going forward. So either make peace with all of it and accept him for exactly who he is, or dump him and find someone else.

    You don’t have to marry the guy just because it’s on Facebook, you know.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    my advice. don't get married. you both sound like a bunch of moronic pieces of work....

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  • 2 months ago

    Oh wow. There is no way you are ready for marriage, not to this man or ANY man at this point.

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  • 2 months ago

    " Our relationship  could  definitely  use a lot more work"

    So your solution is to get engaged?!  Everything about this is wrong.  You have every right to like your ring, but that is the least of the problems here.  I hated my ring, too, but my husband knew me so well I didn't even have to say it.  He could tell by the expression on my face.

    Your instincts are spot on about wanting to wait until your relationship is a lot more solid before making a lifetime commitment to each other.  But this also means you never should have accepted the proposal.  The fact that you're asking how to tell him you aren't ready is all the proof you need that you aren't ready.   Communication is everything and this is very basic communication.  The 2 of you didn't even address the issue of what gets put on social media and when.  In some ways, this doesn't even sound like a serious relationship, let alone one ready for an engagement.

    • D
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      if he "knew you so well" why didn't he get you the ring you wanted??? sure...

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Here's what I did: Instead of waiting for someone to buy me a ring, I bought my own 1 carat diamond solitaire. I'm currently looking for an enhancer to go with it. I really don't care if people tell me it would make me engaged or married, because in a way it is purely a commitment to myself that I don't need to be in a relationship in order to wear nice diamonds. Here's the thing, neither do you.

    My ring means a lot more to me because I gave it to myself. Worried that you won't be able to afford one? So was I, but it's been something I've wanted for over 10 years so I just bit the bullet and bought it anyways. The story behind it was that I was unemployed at the time, but I had money saved from previous jobs. I also bought it during Black Friday, huge deals and savings when you buy diamonds on certain times of the year.

    No offense, but your boyfriend is adick and you deserve so much better. However, I do feel for you and your situation since you have spent so many years with him - but the bright side is you have still spent less than a decade with this man - or boy, I should say and if you wanted to start over you easily could. Don't forget to give yourself credit during emotionally tough times.

    Tell your boyfriend to stick the pomegranate ring up a certain hole in the backside of his body, and that you are fully capable of buying yourself nice diamonds, and if he complains that you are "emasculating him" or whatever crap guys like to come up with now, there is another sign right there he is not the person for you. 

    Do you know why he hasn't gotten you a nice ring? I know it sounds cruel to say, but the reality is he feels that you don't deserve one. The biggest excuse ever is that "He doesn't have the money to buy a nice ring right now", but how often does he buy himself nice expensive garbage that he doesn't need? 

    Don't let anyone make you feel like a gold digger. An engagement ring has been a tradition that isn't going away anytime soon, and you deserve a nice ring because a spouse who loves you would give you one that looks great on your finger. Not something that came out of a gumball machine. Yes, you should feel offended about the ring; and rightfully so.

    Best of luck.

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  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The "I don't like this ring" stuff is a minor issue compared to the "He told me the ring cost a lot and out of curiosity I looked up the ring and found it easily on multiple websites that sold it for $2-$4" telling outrageous lies stuff. 

    • Lilo2 months agoReport

      I absolutely  agree with you.
      I thought the same thing. He lied now I need to tell him i don't  want to be engaged without it being too harsh 

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