Richard asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 2 months ago

My girlfriend wants to change gender and I don’t know what to do?

My SO has recently been trying to change genders, but is unallowed to do so because of legality issues. She still plans on doing so when she turns 18 (we are both in HS), and others refer to her as a guy with a male name. The main problem is: I’m not gay. Being referred to as such makes me very uncomfortable, and as much as I want to support the change I cannot accept it at all. I am a supporter of the LGBTQ community, so I can understand why she feels this way, I just don’t want to apply any of these terms to myself. However, it’s obvious my lack of acceptance is hurting the relationship, becoming more evident by the growing hate of me with her friends (please due note I was unaware of this feeling existing until in the relationship). Does anyone have any advice, whether or not they’ve been in a similar situation? I feel like no matter what action I choose, it will result in a split relationship at some point or another due to my negligence of this event soon to come. I really want this relationship to last, but I know she will not change her mind since it is her choice and not mine to make. She’s suicidal as well, and although I know it’s not my fault for any actions she performs, I wouldn’t be able to help feeling responsible if anything happens. Again, any advice would make me grateful, I know it’s a difficult situation to sort out.


We settled it

Update 2:

Should’ve been more specific “she” dumped me after I told her I wouldn’t ever accept her change, so I guess it all worked out in the end. Got it over with, but I’m single now so HMU 😙

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    You cannot have a relationship with a person in denial of their sex and demanding that you contradict your own sexuality and lie that you're gay. Sorry it can never work. It's funny they want it only their way--she must be affirmed as a male because she says she is--but you're not allowed to be straight because you say so. Tell her you're straight and if she's a man, you have to break up. Be nice, she's clearly f#cked up.

    • May you please elaborate on why you believe they're "f#cked up"?

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  • Marli
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    How did this question find its way into Poetry?

    I congratulate you both on ending the relationship. Painful as it probably was, you could not pretend to be what you are not and she couldn't continue to pretend to be what (s)he is sure (s)he is not.

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  • 1 month ago

    Tell her nobody can really change their gender from having been physically born with a specific gender.

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  • 2 months ago

    I would suggest at least


    to accept it, but if it doesn't work out, just... break up. Is it that you refuse to accept them as a different gender, or is it that you don't feel any more feelings towards them? (I'm addressing this as if you haven't broken up...) If it's the former, and you still feel affection for them, it doesn't matter what you call yourself, but this is just closeminded and sad. If it's the latter, then why were you in a relationship with them in the first place?

    They're transgender, right? It's less of them trying to change their gender, and more of them trying to have their body match their gender. No offence, but misgendering them doesn't help. 

    I apologise if this answer is unrelated or rude, but it's what I got. Please be more accepting in the future, or you may be hated among many.

    • Richard1 month agoReport

      It is really not close minded and sad. We are together, and changing her gender is changing her gender, no matter what situation it is, whether or not she feels like a male. She in turn needs me to change my sexual orientation as if it isn’t my decision as well. Not how it works, relationship over.

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  • 2 months ago

    You can't change your gender, it's hard-wired into the brain.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I’d try and research how others in your situation have handled the transition of their partner. Its common enough, you might find stories online or through a trans support group or gay community center. It happens in straight relationships and gay relationships - I know a lesbian couple where one of them transitioned. Sometimes the relationship lasts and sometimes it does not. It depends on the people and their level of commitment with each other.

    Don’t stay with him out of pity or honor. 

    He does not have the right to turn you gay. He also does not have the right to keep you from having kids if thats what you want and if he is getting bottom surgery that will no longer be an option (at least for biological kids with him). 

    If you want to stay with him then do it out of real love and commitment. 

    If he is suicidal - get in touch with a suicide hot line. The trevor project is open 24/7 for suicidal lgbt youth. Get him on the phone.  1-866-488-7386

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  • 2 months ago

    if you love her you can try to find a way to remain with her or with him 

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  • "My girlfriend wants to change gender and I don’t know what to do?"

    Transgender people do not change gender, they change their body to match their gender. Transsexualism is primarily an issue that centers on gender identity. What is that? Gender identity is how we all internally perceive ourselves in a gendered way. Gender identity is an inborn trait, you are not taught gender, socialization only builds on the already present gender identity.

    Most people are born with a gender identity that matches the sex of the body they were born into, transsexual people are not; that's what transsexualism is, a gender identity-body mismatch. This leads to a life of pain and misery until the affected person can correct the mismatch they were born with. Trans people transition to affirm their inborn gender identity, not change it.

    A primer:

    So you significant other is male and has always been male, you just didn't know about it until they came out to you.

    "I feel like no matter what action I choose, it will result in a split relationship at some point or another due to my negligence of this event soon to come. I really want this relationship to last, but I know she will not change her mind since it is her choice and not mine to make."

    Most relationships do not survive when one of the people involved transitions.

    Again, this is not a choice they are making, they were born trans and the only proven treatment, the only chance for happiness and fulfillment for him, is transition.


    Source(s): me-woman who was born transsexual (post-op)
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I think it's best to let him be himself (assuming ur girlfriend will be ftm). Tell him that you think he's great but your just not attracted to guys, that your there for him though his transition and hope y'all can still be friends. (A similar thing happened to me )

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