When your husband says he doesn’t want to kids. What do you do?

We’ve been together for 4 years; I asked him about having kids, and he said he doesn’t want to have any. I am 35 he is 57. 

Update:

And, yes, we discussed this before marriage. 

39 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am surprised you did not talk to him about having kids way before he became your husband.  If he told you before you were married, then you made your decision. Now if you have a change of heart, if it is just nurturing, you could adopt a young child who needs a good home, and parents. And your husband could still keep up with him, and keep him young. You could make a demand and say you will leave him, if he will not have a baby with you, but I would not do so. If he agrees, you will always know you forced him, and it might come out he never wanted kids, and it could effect how he treats his son or daughter. That would not be fair to your child. If your husband is not fully invested, you should not have a child with him. Either accept no kids, and maybe volunteer or get a job at Kinder care. You only need 12 child development credits and a total of 30 credits.  You could also volunteer at the YWCA, or another daycare place. Part time non-teachers, just need a CPR card,  Far as I can see since you did not discuss having a baby before, or did and accepted it to get married. You can let it go, or leave him.  Now if you have no kids, then I do think he is not being fair to you.  But marriage is never 100% equal.  Some times its 50/50, sometimes its 70/30 on him and sometimes its 70/30 on you.  You do not know when it will happen. 

  • 2 months ago

    Its very hard for a man in his late fifties to start a family and as hard for a woman in her thirties not to want be a mother.

    You have to convince him. Men become fathers once they connect to the child and not before- like women.

    My advice is to force the fatherhood instinct out of him. If you have a child in the family, arrange a holiday with them and let him take the chance to connect to the child. Invite them regularly and let him play with him/her, and involve him in some lifehood advices for the child.  He ll connect and be teased to have his own child.

    If it didnt work then its not going to work..u ll ve to choose to either leave him and find anither man who wants children or have a child with ur husband then make arrangement with him that u will be a single mother and he will not need to be involved.

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  • 2 months ago

    That should have been addressed before getting married

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    At 57 the man has every right to decide that his baby making days are OVER,,,

    And at 35 YOU should've thought of that 10 years ago when you were still able to attract a  35 year old man that was still dumb enough to be willing to have kids!

    • ...Show all comments
    • Mr.Anonymous
      Lv 4
      2 months agoReport

      @ N_A_D & Cece Both my Dad & I had our kids the RIGHT WAY,,"When we were still Young & Stupid" so we could live to regret it while we were still strong enough to survive it & Retire while we were still Healthy enough to enjoy it,, Making Babies at 50+ is a REALLY STUPID Retirement Option!!!

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  • 2 months ago

    Why on earth would you marry someone so much older; you had to know he was too old to start a family! 

    I'm going to guess he has a lot of money (duh). That means you have plenty of free time- spend some of that time and $ working with underprivileged children! 

    • N_A_D2 months agoReport

      Yes! And I voted for Trump. Idiot. 

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Rather late for me to say this, but why did you not discuss this beforehand?

    He may feel he is too old.    He would certainly be in his 70s by the time they were teenagers!

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You dumb, and you know it.

    If you wanted kids that bad then you should have married a man who wants kids too. He is almost a senior citizen, and I don't why you could not find a man who is around your age to marry.

    I am a male, and I am in my 30s.

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  • 2 months ago

    You get married so you could start a family have kids.. it's like he married you so that someone will be obliged to take care of him as he grows old. Find a better man and don't waste your time to a man like him. 

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  • 2 months ago

    I think you would need to find another guy. A guy who is that old may not live to see the kids reach adulthood and may wonder how they would be treated after he is gone. I know I would want any that I fathered to be treated very well.

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  • glcang
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    This is a strange question to be asking at this stage of your relationship.

    Did you not ask him early on about what he wanted and told him what you wanted?

    He is 22 years older than you but you married him when you were 33. Surely this has come up before , no?

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    • Lili
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      Multiple consultations about what?  Age is an issue because children deserve an involved father.  By the time any child you had was a teenager, your husband would 70 or older.  That's simply too old for parenting an adolescent. Or he could be dead.

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