Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

I feel disgust for my father, how do I cope?

I have a feeling of disgust with my father. I feel guilty saying this and I don’t think it’s normal but I can’t wait to leave and be in my own apartment where he doesn’t have to do anything for me anymore. I feel like this man has just been a fake and negative influence on my life. I feel like he only did things that make him look good in front of others but in the house he was not a present nor a good father at all. And I hate walking when he’s around because I keep having flashbacks of him being inappropriate with me when I was a child. I have memories of being punched, beat up, slapped (under 10 years old) and some weird stuff. He also has always been totally abusive with my mother, not physically but in the way he treated her. I feel like my mother stayed with him because she is codependent and doesn’t have any choice (financially). I feel like this stuff is killing me and I’ve never realized that until recently, until my own failed relationship. Ive only had bad relationships with men that weren’t good for me. I just tried to avoid these feelings before but now I feel like I can’t anymore. And I don’t know how to cope. I only spoke about this to my ex and he told me I just gotta forgive him, I only have one father but that made me feel worse. Any advice?

4 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You practice polite diplomacy until you can move out and then after that make his participation in your life dependent on his behaving decently.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    ask god to help you cope

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  • 1 month ago

    Your feelings about a less than stellar parent are far from unique. When my father died I felt nothing but relief. I don't harbor any anger towards him, I forgave him a long time ago, but I never had a normal father child connection with him and I know for my brothers it was even worse. It helps to understand where your parent came from, to know some of what might have made them the way they are. It sounds very possible that your father didn't have a great father figure himself.

    You don't have any obligation to him but you do have an obligation to yourself, to not let your past weigh you down. Forgiveness is not for the person being forgiven but for the forgiver. It is freeing.

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  • 1 month ago

    My advice is to see a professional,  rather than venting on yahoo answers and seeking advice and attention from unqualified strangers

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