Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

How to maintain relationship with mom when husband doesn’t get along with her and refuses to visit her?

Many unpleasant incidents have happened between me and my mom...the gist of the matter is that although my husband and I have helped her a lot thorough the past many years, she doesn’t value it and gives more importance to my elder sister. This doesn’t go down well with my husband... He feels that she puts us in bad light and talks about us with the relatives. My sister also keeps finding reasons to call him mean. E.g. her daughter had to go abroad to study. My sister said that although my husband travels a lot.. he did not guide her daughter (she did not ask for any guidance in the first place And it was my husband’s fault that he couldn’t guess she might be needing it without even getting asked 😄😁)

6 Answers

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  • User
    Lv 4
    1 week ago

    Time to consult marriage counselor

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You have to try to mediate between the two of them. Get them into the same room and tell them it isn't fair for them to make you pick sides. Let them shout it out until they come to some conclusion...even if that conclusion is that they never want to see each other again (in which case you visit Mom solo and rarely).

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  • 1 month ago

    It is YOUR family so its up to YOU to control how they affect you, your husband and your marriage. Ask yourself WHY do you struggle so hard to maintain contact with these people,who don't appreciate you for yourself?

    It seems that you have been conditioned, perhaps from childhood, to accept such bad treatment from these relatives of yours. That you should give their wants and wishes more importance than your own. Think. If these were not your mother and sister would you accept this sort of behaviour from anyone else? No? But you are now no longer just a child. Yes, your childhood may have conditioned you to feel one way, that doesn't mean as an adult you can't change that. Time to be and act like the adult you are.

    Don't like the way you are treated? SAY SO.Tell them that they can no longer use you and your husband, and then go talk about you behind your back. If they cannot be loving in their interactions with you, you will simply choose not to interact with them at all. In this your Husband is correct.

    He wants to protect you from the abuse they hand out to you. He wishes you could find the strength to do so for yourself too. He is now your family and should be of more importance to you than the ones who see you as secondary to themselves. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Your family sounds toxic. Not sure why you' are all involved in their behaviors. Live your life as you see fit, and stop sweating their petty behaviors.

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  • K8
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I would not be interested in helping someone who is treating me badly.  She is a grown woman who can help herself.

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  • 1 month ago

    Ive been in this situation 

    Stop helping and move away.

    Call less, answer less

    Never loan money or fix cars...over all my mom never appreciated putting me in debt for her needs. Then talk badly about me to others.

    Overall, no contact and dont loan so you dont have to collect.

    I dont even send cards and gifts anymore either 

    My efforts are never appreciated 

    Move forward for you

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