Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

I am having second thoughts on my relationship. What do I do? ?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. I have a wandering eye. I don't want to date him anymore. He is a really nice guy. He is cute and really sweet. I just feel like we are two different people. I am all about helping the less fortunate and traveling to areas of need. And he isn't. And I just want to date someone who works in public services like a firefighter or a nurse. ( I am a nurse). What should I do? Should I tell him my thoughts? 

Update:

I understand where you are coming from. I want to tell him, but he doesn't react well to negative situations... He has a tendency to blow things out. I mean I love him but some of the things he says turn me off. We just have different views on life. I want to help my community and he couldn't care less. I try to get him to volunteer and it was like I was trying to get him to brush his teeth with nails. He treats me like I am the world but couldn't care less about the other people in the world.  

Update 2:

How should I tell the person that I can't continue to date you because I am scared to evolve to that?  Plus he doesn't even see me as a sexual being. We rarely have sex. He just wants blow jobs. I mean I get it. It seems like I am never in the mood, but that is because I work long hours. Also for Christmas, he is getting me socks and a snuggly. I am like a holy cow. I want to have fun. I am 23. We both have salary careers. So why can't I get lingerie or tickets to a show or a weekend somewhere? 

8 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think the problem with society is most people forget what dating is actually about! Dating is meant to date a lot of people, to find out if that person is or isn't the right person to spend the rest of your life with, its basically a prolonged interview process. Nowadays, people just date because its "socially acceptable", or they are so insecure they can't handle being alone and just decide to leap into a relationship with the first guy or girl that shows them a lick of attention.

    Your relationship with him has run its course, and I think you know that! You both want different things in life, and you have more or less just admitted on here that he isn't the guy you want to spend the next 50-75 years with. What's happening now is you have already checked out of the relationship, you are only with him now because of some misplaced obligation, and maybe even a bit of fear of him no longer being in your lifeif you were to break up with him.

    I think the right thing to do for both of you is to mutually part ways here! It's not fair that you are stringing him along here, he is wasting his time by being with a woman who has no real desires to be with him. You aren't being fair to yourself by trapping yourself into staying, you are holding yourself back in the process, and quite frankly wasting your time as well.

    Do the smart thing here and part ways with him on a good note, this way you guys can still repair a friendship, without resentments and distrust! 

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  • 1 month ago

    I guess you do what you have to do.

    My boyfriend and i dont' have many interests in common, but we are emotionally close and communicate well. I do things he likes to do and try new things with him, and he does the same with me.

    I guess it depends on a couple's dynamics whether they stay together.

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  • Teal
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You already know what you need to do, you are just too conflict avoidant to do it. There is no easy way to break up with him and you can't control how he feels. But this isn't a negotiation or a debate. It's over when you say it is over and his feelings are no longer your concern. It is his responsibility to get over you. If you fear for your safety, dump him over the phone. Otherwise, tell him the truth and make a clean break so you both can move on. Do it today. He is perfectly comfortable and doesn't care that you are dissatisfied. He expects you to give up and settle, he will never let you go willingly. You aren't helpless and you are the only one who can decide what happens next.

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  • 1 month ago

    So you want to date someone who has a particular job, you sound like a real catch.

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  • Noah
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    I think you should dump so he can find a woman of quality who isn't so shallow that will appreciate him!

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  • 1 month ago

    You didn't have to say you're 23, everyone already knew.

    We all wanted to 'build a better community' and 'invest in the future' when we were your age.  We all did the environmental panic thing when we were young (it was actually called global cooling back then, look it up), and we all believed in hope and change.  Like you, we had no idea what we were hoping for or what we wanted to change, we just believed in it because it sounded like the right thing to do.

    Your guy isn't actually evil, he just grew up and accepted reality sooner.  He's realized that all those poor countries will still be poor long after he's dead, all those feed-the-children donations are lining the pockets of warlords, and he's asked why none of the climate-change fanboys have even wondered why nobody ever mentions Asia and Africa in discussions about pollutants and carbon footprints.

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  • kristy
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Just tell him you aren’t compatible and you are moving on. If he can’t handle it, oh well too bad, at least you told him. You’ll have a lot more fun now.

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  • Jay P
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Of course you should tell him...be honest with both yourself, and your boyfriend.

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