kjdsf asked in HealthMental Health · 1 month ago

Please help me tell my wife about my coke use?

So, for the second time in recent weeks I have succumb to old cravings for cocaine. I haven’t had problems in the past but it was a crutch for a few years, mainly on weekend when partying. My life has got very difficult recently, about 9 months ago, I got help for my mental health issues that have plagued me for 10 years and everything was looking up but its all getting bad again, I’m struggling to control my feelings and emotions or get a clear perspective on how my body looks, whether I’m annoying people, whether I’m being paranoid about being paranoid, its a terrible mess and now on top of that, I lost my friend in a motorbike accident on Monday this week. The first person I’ve known to die and I cant deal with it cause I don’t know how but also I’m not feeling sad, just confused cause I overthink how I should be feeling and become too aware causing me to not be able to register or feel anything.

I fell back into this hole and I hate it here. Its 5:16 in the morning where I am, my wife is asleep downstairs and I’ve been up all night taking drugs to get away from the pain. And now its morning and I’m scared cause I need her but I can’t hurt her, she’s done so much for me, I hate that I’ve let her down.

I am considering waking her up to tell her right now as I can’t do it when I’m sober. I know most will say do it but please consider all possibilities before commenting as this really is important to my decision. Thank you in advance. 

Please help 

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