Should I confront my boyfriend about a lie he told me while we were on a break? Or should I move forward?
He broke up with me. But we never stopped communicating. we made a date to see each other (lived in different cities) about three weeks later. After that weekend we decided we were going to try to work things without WITHOUT seeing other people. 5 months later i found a receipt for something he purchased while we were on that break. he purchased a prepaid mobile phone and a phone card. i confronted him about it and he completely denies making this purchase even though his last four card number is on it and my text messages with him proves he was at this store. we got into a huge fight and i told him i'll drop it.
but should i? it was before we decided to work things out but our relationship clearly wasn't done as we continued talking and saying i love you since the day he left me. he swears up and down he's never cheated nor talked to anyone during our time apart. but why the need for the prepaid phone and why lie? should i bring it up? if i do, i can say our "working on it" will definitely be over. or should i let it slide but risk him lying to me again?
I love him very much and want things to work out. but i just want to know why he lied about the phone and why he needed one?
i put this under marriage and divorce because we've been together for 7 years.
- 1 month ago
If you don't live on the Internet with your phone, a prepaid phone is very economical.
My wife and I use them exclusively.
Last year our total costs were less than two hundred dollars, combined.
And the fact that YOU were snooping around in the financial background of somebody who you are dating is very disturbing.
Call it off. You're both going to be much happier.
- Care411Lv 61 month ago
Quick answer: You have the right to know and must find out, he intentionally lied then tried to continue to lie and make you feel/look stupid (paranoid/jealous). That is a bad sign but I would not "bring it up again".....
It is called a "Burner Phone" google it, I guess.
Its a secondary phone you use to hide communications from another (a primary) person/'party'. Usually they are not nice/expensive phones - you do not really care. If its nicer usually it is a gift for a 3rd party.
It doesn't sound like he wanted to break up, he initiated the breakup yet he intentionally kept talking to you (potentially manipulating you - we find out later). It sounds more like he wanted you out of the main picture for 1/2 a year. He could have be running for political office, an FBI agent or a drug kingpin moving massive shipments from the UK to the USA. OR he could be f*cking someone and just wanted to keep you at a distance. Any chance hes into politics? Which seems most likely?
Of course he got mad. He did not tell you. You found out he was lying. When people get caught, they get mad. Then of course he pressured/manipulated you to not talk about it. Did he call you stupid, crazy or insane to think anything was going on? People who get caught doing things want others to feel bad, sad or guilty like it is their fault. People who cheat need their partner to doubt themselves and be confused.
I told you why you have a burner phone. Unless you are dealing with sensitive or classified information there is no real need for a prepaid just get a regular secondary phone.
IT really depends on whats going on now. If he might be cheating any idea who, might it be a friend? Look back over the last 3-4 yrs are there patterns/signs or signals?
Aside from him wanting to keep you at a distance what reasons did he openly give and which did you agree with? I don't think you tell him about the phone, he already lied to you about it and you know it. There are 100 things you do depending whats going on. You probably start with pretending it is all ok, emotionally distance yourself a bit and play detective for 2-3 months.
firstname.lastname@example.orgAs you play detective you journal write about what you figure out so you can review it. It is best to have someone to talk to a few times a week. Can't be a great friend they would always just take your side. But you tell someone about his attitude, patterns, behavior, changes or interaction with you. Then just talk about it. An impartial person matters. You do a lot but this is a 7yr relationship, you really did not give enough specifics/details.
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
Curious that your first thought was another woman...mine would have been criminal activity.
- i + iLv 71 month ago
You are asking the wrong question. You should be figuring out why he broke up with you in the first place. By the way, your type of relationship very very VERY rarely ever works out, so why even bother playing his game?
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- SW-6Lv 61 month ago
Look at what is right in front of you. The man is apparently lying. This is what he is capable of. Not saying the man is a jerk or a loser, just saying you know what he is capable of and have decided to stay and put up with it. Months from now when you find out you have been lied to again - don't complain. You were warned and you knew that he is capable of it. Also - do you think there will be any part of this union where you will be able to be calm, happy, not look at him with resentment and anger? You can't ignore what is going on in your mind. Remember YOU and you life happy and what you deserve. Being lied to and disrespected is not one of em. =Think hard about how you will proceed here.
- TealLv 71 month ago
It doesn't take five months to decide if you want to get back together. Any problems you have need to be resolved as a couple, a break doesn't accomplish anything. He was keeping you on the back burner while he pursued other options. If your problems could be fixed, and he was committed enough to try, you would be together right now. You need to accept that it's over.
- Kathy SmithLv 71 month ago
YOU WERE BROKEN UP HE DOESN'T OWE YOU AN EXPLAINATION. EITHER GET OVER IT OR LET HIM GO. AND YOUR TEXT MESSAGES DO NOT PROVE HE WAS AT THAT STORE. SO YOU ARE ALSO LYING
- Bee V2Lv 61 month ago
He's lying to you and thats never a good sign. He was obviously doing something with the phone that he doesnt want you to know about. otherwise he wouldve just told you
- historyLv 71 month ago
The use of "confront" suggests that a goal need be made clear. What's your goal? To break up for good? To punish him? To make sure he knows he has to answer to you? To make things better or to make things worse? Make sure your goal is clear. Something he purchased over 5 months ago when you two were on a break really seems like his own business to me. But you seem to feel otherwise.
- .Lv 71 month ago
What he did during the time he broke up with you, until the time you mutually decided to work things out (a span of about 3 wks, you say) isn't your business (and vice versa). You either trust him, or you don't. He didn't need to get a 2nd phone for himself, when you were apart so the purchase would be odd, unless it bought it for someone else. It's also odd to make a huge issue out of that purchase (and nothing else).
You can hold on to the issue or let it go. Maybe he did make the purchase but doesn't want to admit to lying (esp if nothing came of the purchase or ever will). Maybe he didn't make the purchase (although a receipt with his cc last 4 is fairly damning).
To move forward or not, is 100% your call. Only you know how you feel. Only you know if you trust him or not. Unless the reason for the original breakup no longer exists, chances aren't high you two are going to go the distance anyway. You BOTH had every right to see other people while you were broken up, and neither owes the other any explanations or confessions about anyone that either of you did see during that time (if there was anyone).
When you show someone a receipt of a purchase made on their credit card AND proof that they were communicating with you while they were located in the store where the purchase was made, but they deny making the purchase, it's a fairly big red flag. If he did buy the phone he could easily admit to it (he wouldn't owe you any explanation beyond that). Odd that he would vehemently deny it (there would be no reason to deny it, if he did make the purchase).