Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 month ago

Should I bail my daughter out of jail?

My 19 year old daughter was arrested earlier today and is currently in jail. She’ll be eligible for bail early tomorrow morning, but I haven’t decided if I should bail her out, or if I should let her stay until her hearing early next week. Her bail is $1000, and she doesn’t have the money to bail herself out. She’s a great kid overall, with good grades and high involvement in activities. Never been in trouble before, but apparently she made a bad decision to drink and drive on her way to a friend’s house... Anyone been in this situation before? My husband and I have no idea how to approach it with her. 

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  • 1 month ago
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    This is a tough call here

    One on hand you don't want to abandon her, but on the other hand you also need to send her a message that if she creates a mess that she needs to clean it up herself, its a very fine line.

    "She's a good kid but apparantley made the bad decision to drink and drive"- Wrong! She foolishly decided to get behind the wheel of a car while loaded, and could have caused serious harm/death to herself/others. There is nothing "apparent" about this! Cops just don't "apparantly" arrest someone for a DUI, she would have had to do two breath tests, and given both of them proved she was legally drunk, it becomes factual that she was arrested.

    If it were me? I'd be tough but lenient with her! I'd let her sweat it out in jail until her hearing, and then post the $1000 bond. What this does is show her what jail is like, it shows her how serious her behaviour was, and it gives her time to sweat it out and think things through without outside interference. Then once I post the bond there would be very serious stipulations against her:

    1) She is to pay back the money over a 3 month period, if not interest acculmates on it

    2) She is not to drink at home or come home with even the slightest smell of booze on her. If she violates that, the cops are called and the bail is revoked, she goes back to jail and awaits trial

    3) She is prohibited from any contact with the friend she was hanging out with that night, no contact whatsoever

    4) She is to attend all court hearings

    5) Follow any court requirements that are set until sentencing

    6) She is to hand over her car, her keys, and her license to you (assuming the courts dont take it away), and she only gets it back when you deem fit

    7) She has a curfew that she must follow: 8pm weekdays. 10pm weekends. Any violation of this, she's reported to the courts, bail is revoked.

    Your daughter needs to learn big time she ****** up, and needs be given a long enough leash to rectify her mistakes, and regain the trust of those people in her life. 

  • 1 month ago

    I would not and teach her a lesson, if you do the crime, you do the time.

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  • 1 month ago

    You shouldn't or simply don't bail her out of jail! "Whyyy?" - You may ask well it's pretty simple she could've killed someone or even worse herself. I can and i do forgive much but if someone is driving while drunk i consider it a big fat NO. Maybe thanks to this she'll learn her lesson.

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  • 1 month ago

    I wouldn't bail her out if I were you but to be fair I'd also wonder where I failed with her to the point where she's in prison because you obviously failed somewhere with her.

    • So what you're saying is adults are never responsible for their behavior? Always blame somebody else?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I wouldn't bail her out. She made a bad choice and got caught, and she needs to pay the full penalty for it, even if that means she loses her driver's license and has to pay fines or bail money herself. She's not a child any more, she's an ADULT NOW. YOU and her dad are under NO OBLIGATION whatsoever to help her in any way. This will be a very valuable LEARNING EXPERIENCE for her, but she needs to face the consequences of her acts on her OWN, without help or interference from you.

    It's not going to hurt your daughter to sit in jail for a day or two. In fact, it will give her time to think about what she has done, and hopefully, she's going to recognize just how unbelievably LUCKY she is that this wasn't more serious. She could easily have gotten herself or someone else KILLED. When she figures out how to get herself out on bail, then it will be time for the 3 of you to have a serious discussion about what happened and why. Underage drinking is NO JOKE. It's a crime, and a serious one.

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  • 1 month ago

    I would probably bail her out. I would suggest you contact MAAD also. You say she apparently made a bad decision, no she did make a bad decision. There needs to be a whole lot of discussion in your house about this. Does she normally drink is this the first time she has drank and driven or is this just the first time she was caught.I work at a state university- every year we lose (they die) at least one student to alcohol related incidents. It is a horrible tragedy. So treat this incident as a wake up call to all of you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    There are dozens of ways to make her regret her poor decision without being in jail. Plus the longer she is there the longer she has a chance to make friends with all the scum that is there for good reasons. But most of all, what would you want if the roles were reversed and you were calling her because you made a bad choice that led you to jail?  Bail her out.

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  • 1 month ago

    Drinking and driving?

    Let her sit.

    She's lucky she's in jail and not the morgue

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  • 1 month ago

    you should bail her out cuz i think its gonna destroy.ur relationship with her if u dont

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  • 1 month ago

    I think considering what you have said about her you should bail her out. I guarantee that she is probably terrified at this very moment. She already knows that she screwed up. Coming to her aid will confirm that she is loved. The consequences of her actions will come later regardless. I think if it was my child I would want to show compassion at this moment. That's what she really needs right now.

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