What to say to kids when they say offensive things and don’t realize they’re offensive?

My kids’ father (my ex) has recently been teaching them lots of poop jokes and showing them multiple videos of people defecating. When they come back from his place, they constantly talk about poop. I have explained that those are jokes that stay at home. But now, he has got them flapping their hands/arms across their chests and speaking in a “retarded voice,” and also referring to people as “retarded.” I want to put a stop to this right away, but don’t want to make the kids feel bad because they are only 4 and 6 and don’t know better. What might be the best way to word it?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    We tend to treat others the way we want to be treated. However, to discuss problems effectively, you need to consider how your ex would like to be treated. Then setup a time to discuss what parenting looks like together and with clear boundaries for each other.

    • EmilyMarie1 month agoReport

      This question really has nothing to do with the ex, but how I can best address it with the kids. He believes it’s fine to call people retarded and to teach his kids to make fun of people with disabilities. He’s not reasonable.

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  • 1 month ago

    You need to teach him what is acceptable with you and what isn't. Kids are really smart when it comes to this concept and will adapt. They have already learned what they can get a way with at home that they can't get away with at school. So to stop it on your end, you actually have to punish them for their poop humor when at home with you if they don't take your seriously from your explanation, exactly like their teacher's have done at school. Good Luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    The person who needs to change his ATTITUDE here is your EX, not the children. The only reason they do what they are they are doing is because your ex is doing it and letting them think that it's funny or okay to act this way. And your ex-husband is displaying a level of IGNORANCE towards developmentally disabled people that is APPALLING. I'm sure he was probably grew up believing that people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (such as Autism, which can feature some of the behavior he's trying to "imitate" with your kids) were people to be looked down upon, laughed at, and treated badly, just because of their disabilities.

    What your ex-husband doesn't realize is that people with ID or Autism have rights too, including the right not to be laughed at or treated badly because of their disabilities. And by teaching your kids to laugh at and tease those who are disabled, he's sending the message that it's okay to treat anyone who is "different" badly. That's hardly the lesson your kids should be learning. What you need to do is have a conversation with him and tell him to knock it off, or you'll be reporting his behavior to the court and or the judge who handled your divorce. What he's doing isn't FUNNY, and it isn't CUTE, and he needs to be made aware of this. If he keeps it up, then I'd have your attorney petition the judge to limit or curtail your kids' visits with him until he gets the message and stops the behavior.

    Source(s): I have mild Autism, and I know from bitter experience what it feels like to be mistreated for being "different".
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    • EmilyMarie1 month agoReport

      I agree that it is not acceptable. Trust me, they don’t care. He’s $12k in arrears and they do nothing. He works for his dad, who falsifies his earnings. The court also has issued a number of arrest warrants, only to throw them out without him paying a penny. 

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  • Suzy Q
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    When my kids say something offensive without realizing it's offensive, I explain that and why it's offensive, without mincing words. 

    Somehow that has failed to crush their souls. 

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    • Suzy Q
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      She shouldn't keep beating herself up, but a much bigger concern would be if she didn't show any kind of remorse when she found out how offensive her words and actions had been. The fact that she did feel shame means you're not raising a psychopath. 

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  • 1 month ago

    "That is an offensive term and not funny."  Seems pretty easy.

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  • 1 month ago

    i would talk to the kids father about it

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Trolling, trolling, trolling.

    • EmilyMarie1 month agoReport

      Is that your answer for everything you didn’t post yourself?

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