Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 2 months ago

Future daughter in law isn’t including my only daughter in wedding. ?

My son and his fiancé are getting married and I like the girl very much. However, my 18 year old daughter and her don’t get along. My daughter has said some Excruciating things I’m not okay with at all. It’s embarrassing because it’s a reflection off my parenting and my sons fiancé has felt because of her behavior we all don’t like her. My daughter has an attitude behavior problem.. and my daughter in law is gorgeous, has everything going for her and there relationship is exactly how a happy married couple should be. 

Going into the wedding. My youngest son is a groomsman, and my DIL 3 sisters are all bridesmaids. I don’t expect her to be a bridesmaid but she’s not in the wedding at all and I’m hurt. Not sure what to do.. I understand where the bride is coming from I wish this could all surpass for this day. 

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    First this is the Bride's day first and foremost. Then the Grooms, At least that is what my mom, and 5 sisters have told me. Now if there is a small child of the bride or groom, from a past relationship, you would also include them.  Everyone else comes 4th,5th, or not at all. You will include the parents, in some way.  And although I have seen, a bride ask the groom to make a brother a grooms men, and I have seen a groom ask the bride to make a sister one of the brides maids. I can kind of go with that. But asking to make a sister of the groom as maid of Honor, or a brother of the bride to be the grooms best man, I would say no way.  As for your daughter, after she behaved badly, and said, cruel things to the bride to be, you should be happy she is still invited to the wedding.  If my wife to be was cruel to a family member, we would not get married,  But if a family member is cruel to my wife to be, they better make amends, ASAP. If your daughter has not apologize yet, and then did something to make up, for her bad behavior.  If she was my sister, she would be lucky she was still invited.   

    • finc4 weeks agoReport

      why it's the bride's day "first and foremost"?  the groom doesn't matter much?

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  • 6 days ago

    Here’s the thing your FDIL doesn’t have to include her at all. It would be nice if she did, but like you said your daughter has a rotten attitude. And it’s not all on you as a parent btw. Some children are selfish and self-centered. Just go to the wedding and have a good time. Your daughter will hopefully grow up in time. 

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  • GB
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Does your daughter feel hurt that she is not invited?  At least she's old enough not to need a child-minder while you are at the wedding.  She might be relieved not to go.

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  • 2 months ago

    Wat are you all hurt about? if your daughter acted like a moron, that might be why she's not in the wedding. Or she just may not have been asked to be in the wedding because your future daughter in law already has other people selected.

    This has absolutely nothing to do with you. It's not your wedding.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You have to understand the reason she wouldn't be welcome as part of the wedding party.  Be happy if your daughter is invited as a guest.  Have a talk with her and explain how she is being ostracized and why.  If she doesn't care about being excluded now or in the future I wouldn't worry about it.  There's really not much you can do other than talk to them and hope something changes.

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  • 2 months ago

    "I understand where the bride is coming from I wish this could all surpass for this day. "

    Maybe, maybe not.  If the bride invites your daughter to the wedding, THIS is her concession.   She doesn't have to.  In fact, etiquette recommends that if any wedding guest has a high potential to say or do things that are not ok, this guest should not be invited because she'll make other guests (or even the bride) uncomfortable.  Nobody is "owed" a wedding invite.

    If your daughter is picking up on the fact you're hurt because the bride didn't give her a wedding role, turn that around quickly.  This is hardly the last consequence she'll face if she doesn't know how to treat people.

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  • 2 months ago

    Would you want someone in your wedding who has been horrible to you? Has your daughter apologized? That might help.

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  • 2 months ago

    The bride picks her favourite people to stand up with her as bridesmaids.

    Why on earth would you expect her to pick your daughter to be one, even if they did get on? This is 100% not required. It's not a reflection on you or anything else - just that they're not close friends.

    Groomsmen are different and unrelated.

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  • 2 months ago

    What to do? Getting your daughter psychological help so she gets help to become a better adult and respect the fact that your DIL to be doesn't want her in the wedding.

    Why are you hurt? your DIL to be isn't rejecting you. She's setting healthy boundaries, she doesn't want someone that has said mean things to her in an important day. That's normal.

    And yes, your daughter's attitude is a reflex of your parenting so time to be introspective.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    not much you can do about it, its up to your daughter to change

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