Living with fiancé at moms for a month. Sister causing issues?
My fiancé and I are living with his mother for a month before moving into our new apartment. It’s his mom, younger 21 brother and 18 year old sister. We have made an agreement with the mother that we would stay for exactly 4 weeks until we moved in. I’ve showed and made it clear I’m not taking advantage of this time. I get up 6AM for work and don’t come back to the house until my fiancé and I go to sleep. 9PM. I contribute with food, house supplies, I help whatever way I can.
The 18 year old sister is making this situation a living hell. She’s constantly cyber bullying me, going to her mom accusing me of taking things from the house when none of that takes place. I wake up to my coat and purse on the ground out of disrespect. She’s caused so many problems between my man and I alone. They never had a strong big relationship to begin with.
I try talking to her, nothing changes. Once I confront her she just ignores any of her behavior is happening. My finance talking to the mom or her isn’t changing anything. The moms telling me to ignor the girl.
- Kitty82Lv 71 month ago
Sounds like she can't handle the disruption of having you there. I see it must be difficult when you are living there in the family home yet you are out from early morning to night and only come there to sleep, not acting like one of the family at all. I can see how she feels it's an imposition. She's obviously handling it an a very immature way, but it's only a few weeks and if you're old enough to be getting married you are surely grown up enough not to overreact to such petty and childish behaviour.
- PatriciaLv 71 month ago
Im not sure what we are supposed to do about it. The mother ignores it, so there's not much you can do. Lock your purse into the trunk of your car
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
Find another place to crash until the apartment's ready. But do know that if your fiancé doesn't think this is a big deal he's not going to have your back in the future. You have to consider what it be like to marry into this family. Things don't bode well for this relationship.
- - Mé -Lv 71 month ago
Lock your things up in your room and ignore this woman. Clearly her mom is not capable of parenting her, block her from social media (why do you have her there?) and move out asap.
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- PearlLv 71 month ago
maybe you should move out
- linkus86Lv 71 month ago
The Mom is right. Once you are out of the sister's turf, things will subside. In the mean time stop allowing the sister to bait you.
- Coach SimonLv 71 month ago
People who are feeling confident and secure and have self respect don't feel a need to call people names, criticise, bully, shout, etc.
Bullies want attention, and my general feelings are that if people allow them to get their way through fear (the ultimate emotional reaction) they are succeeding and will continue. One way to combat verbal bullying is not to ignore them completely as this shows that they are getting to you, but demonstrate that you have heard the remark or whatever with a glance, dismissive wave or brief response ("oh yes", or similar) and THEN ignore them. Why should you care what such a pathetic person thinks of you? (Only weak and needy people feel a need to bully). Alternatively, or in addition, try to use some humour (U.K. spellings!). It need not be mocking humour, but some light-hearted banter can often diffuse situations.
Put on an imaginary suit of golden armour, and visualise the unkind remarks (or those you perceive to be unkind - be very careful not to imagine a slight when none is intended) as arrows, harmlessly bouncing off your armour and falling to the ground.
In your particular case you are having to tread a very fine line, aren't you? Try if you can to help her with her self esteem. Focus your thoughts on her positive aspects if you can. Keep showing her that you are no threat to her family. Try to use some humour and not to take everything TOO seriously if you can. Try to come to an agreement that you all want her mother to have a lovely, happy Christmas and as you are not going anywhere (which is what the sister wants of course) how can you work together on this.
- SeldomSeenLv 41 month ago
I would ignore her too. You don't have that long to be there and you aren't going to change her.
- NosehairLv 71 month ago
You're in a lose-lose situation and, unfortunately, it is not likely to get any better. I would guess the mother has no more control over the 18 year old sister than you do. The sister appears to be an out of control teenager who resents you being in "her" house. That is especially true if your being there affects her life in ANY way.
- Anonymous1 month ago
The bottom line here is there is nothing you can do. Clearly, his mom isn't raising her daughter very well, but it's mom's home and she can tolerate as much bad behavior from her as she wants. If mom is telling you to ignore her, there's your answer.
What's a little confusing here is this is only for a month, part of which is already past. If this was more permanent, that's different, but you can't just suck it up for a few weeks? (That wasn't an insult, just a legit question). Also, I'm curious how this is causing problems between you and your fiance. It shouldn't be. Is this something to worry about?
EDIT: Thanks! But don't feel stupid. Look at it this way. His mom is opening her home to you and you are merely respecting her wishes. To do otherwise would be stupid. If this was in your own home, and she was treating you this way, I wouldn't argue if you called yourself stupid. :) Really though. It all changes in your own place and hopefully your fiance sees this.