Am I wrong?
I used to live in a house with my husband his brother and his brothers kids for about 3 years. My husband and I moved into our own home less than 2 weeks ago about 20 mins away. When living together I would watch the kids, take them to school, almost everything. I actually grew quite fond of them. His brother lent of us money for the house less than 5 k, which we have already started to pay back. Well now my husband thinks it is my responsibility to continue to take the kids to school even on days I need to go to work my self. He puts the money as an excuse that we need to be doing other things for him. He expects me to leave an hr or so earlier to pick up the kid, take him to school and then I drive my self to work. When the dad could just change them to a closer school and they take the bus. But dad refuses to change them. It will take me close to an hr with traffic and I am still risking being late. We had an argument this morning about it, I said it is not my responsibility. He said we are not gonna work out after all and mumbled others things about seperating our things starting with the bank acct. He is trying to scare me. We just bought a house and he is letting something like this break us before we even start. He said we will talk in the afternoon.
First of all am I wrong? should i just do it to keep the peace. I dont think i am wrong but not sure now. I need to have my thoughts clear for tonight.
Even if the money wasn't in the mix I know he would expect me to do it
- Pedal powerLv 61 month ago
No, he's wrong, I know he wouldn't do something like that for you.
- 1 month ago
You borrowed the money and you owe them exactly that - the money. Keep paying back the money and tell your husband when you will not be able to pick up the kids and why. To be honest I'd stop picking them up altogether.
You already repaid your BIL kindness by being his nanny when you lived there. Frankly, your husband sounds like a piece of s'hit. You should leave him. I don't take kindly to blackmail and neither should you.
- Ace ShortyLv 71 month ago
Did you pay his brother rent when you stayed with him? I can understand the kids not wanting to change schools but don't they have a mother? Why can your husband carry them to school? You tell you husband if he starts talking feces he can just kiss your sweet butt so long. It was nice of his brother to let you stay there, of course with kids and a BIL there, that could put a damper on your sex life.
- Serene ELv 71 month ago
You need to sit down with your husband and talk about this. Is his first loyalty to his family? Why should you take off work to go pick up the kids when you are working? Are you going to be paid for this? And if you get fired for being late all the time, what will happen?
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- historyLv 71 month ago
The menfolk had a plan and didn't include you in the decision making. Their mistake, not yours. If they need to plug a woman into dedicating her life to being the nanny to the menfolk's children? They need hire in for that job. You are a Wife and an Aunt, not an indentured servant.
I think that if his brother wants you to do this for him and his children, then his brother needs to ask you, talk to you, and attempt to cut a deal with you about it. This is NOT something you do on your husband's orders. And it's not something you do unless you are willing to do it regardless.
It sounds like you all did each other a favor these last few years. Not that everyone bent over backwards to do YOU one that you forever need attempt to repay. Clearly you want the best outcome for all concerned. I think the brother needs solve his problem.. and if that means HE asks for your help (and pays for it) .. well.. that would be the appropriate approach. The menfolk deciding what the womenfolk will do is NOT an appropriate approach.
- 1 month ago
Obviously, this should have been discussed and worked out BEFORE you moved. Especially by the husband and brother - if they expected you to continue taking the kids to school after you moved out. It seems odd, in my view, that they would expect that. Generally, it seems that you are being treated very poorly. Your life, your time, your effort, etc. has little or no value to them, so they have no pause in telling you what to do and causing you distress and inconvenience. I would say if the husband is threatening divorce then that may be a blessing. The best thing that could happen to you is to get away from these people.
- FoofaLv 71 month ago
It's a big deal to transfer kids to a different school (if you don't think so then you must not have kids). Rather than destroying these kids' social lives you and your husband should find a way to TEMPORARILY help this brother who helped you out financially. You two can trade off every other day getting these kids to school while you tell this brother he must find some alternative in the future. Maybe once you pay him back the 5K he can afford to hire a babysitter to do this.
- a Guy bein a GuyLv 71 month ago
Here are your talking points.
The "loan" was not contingent on your working it off AND paying it back too.
If you look at your mortgage application, you were not to borrow money for the downpayment, so legally, it was a GIFT.
You are not a servant to either one of them and if he thinks he is going to separate
(presumably to move you out and stay in the house) he is mistaken.
Should he mention that separation thing again he will get his wish but it will be HIM moving out not you and your divorce lawyer will get you the house. Either that or he will have to sell it so you get your money back.
The concept that you now have to leave for work and drive an extra hour a day because you used to do that in lieu of rent isn't going to happen. The brother can pay you to do it with a determined hourly rate and auto expenses. Once the loan is paid off you are DONE. $5000 would take maybe 6 months tops at uber rates.
Lastly, THE BANK ACCOUNT.
Go today and take half the money and open your own account with him as beneficiary , not a signatory.
Then when he says anything about the money tell him its already handled.
When he says you are overreacting you can make it clear these are adult games he's playing and you are taking his threats to separate seriously.
Get your head clear and get ready to put your foot down.
When you were living with the BIL it was appropriate. Now it is not appropriate to expect you to continue as hired help.
Time for husband to decide, wife or brother.
Whatever you do avoid new house new baby until this is settled.
- PAMELALv 71 month ago
You are not wrong, now you have moved out it is up to your brother in law to arrange child care, stand firm.
- Blue Sky 🍺Lv 71 month ago
This is a classic example of why relatives should never lend money to each other. But yes, keep doing it to maintain the peace.