Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 2 months ago

What do you think of someone who seems to not want to hold a conversation with you?

I have recently read a post in which someone has stated that they can determine whether or not someone wants to hold a conversation in ‘30 milliseconds’. On so many occasions I have wanted to hold a conversation with many people, but I either couldn’t think of what to say next or I would become too anxious. I have a hard time talking to people in general as a result of social anxiety. I couldn’t help but think that many people may judge just as quickly as this anonymous  poster (which there is nothing wrong with, I completely understand!) but what I really wanted to know was how do people perceive you if it appears you don’t want to hold a conversation? Is there a sort of anger that begins to grow or a disliking for the person?

 I ask this because I wonder if I seem like a cold person who doesn’t want to make friends. I desperately want friends, it is just very difficult for me to talk to people. 

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  • C
    Lv 7
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I wouldn't put too much weight on a single comment you read somewhere.  People are different.  Some people pride themselves on how quickly they read novels by skipping over all the descriptions and only focussing on "action words."  I can't change them but I secretly pity them for all the richness they're missing out on and hope that one day they'll realise.

    Here's what I think: some people take longer to get to know but the more you regularly see them, even just in passing, the more you will be able to read them until one day you'll just know if they seem happy or sad, open or closed off in that particular moment.  I'm told that I'm hard to read, but honestly, I prefer it that way.  

    On hostility, I do get what you mean, but that doesn't lie in being able to strike up a conversation but more in whether or not you acknowledge the presence of other people.  On a very primitive, still swinging in the trees, level people need to know if they are in proximity with a potential ally or enemy.  The perception of being unacknowledged makes people really, really uncomfortable.  Imaging getting into an enclosed space like an elevator with just one stranger.  If you both pretend that you're alone it's pretty nerve wracking, but the really tiny action of briefly making eye contact and a tiny nod to acknowledge that you are aware of each other's presence diffuses the situation.  Some people require a little more, like a few nonsense words about the weather or last night's game and the other person can reply with a non-committal grunt or a few words back.  It's not really a conversation, it just says, "I am aware of your presence and we are not enemies."  On rudeness, if you skip the social niceties of "morning!" (or just a brief moment or eye contact with a smile and a nod), "please" and "thank you" with colleagues you will be seen as cold and rude, but it doesn't have to progress into a conversation initiated by you.  By doing the social niceties you leave a space open for conversation to happen when you're ready.

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  • 2 months ago

    it wouldn't bother me.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    This guy who doesn't hold a conversation with me makes me feel nervous because I have real feelings for him and he’s unaware of that. He seems to be cold, but I know it has a great heart and a great personality. I don't get angry with him or judge him, but it makes me feel hesitant to contact him. I want to keep the conversation going whenever I contact him, yet at the same time, I feel that he's irritated with me. Even though he doesn't initiate a conversation or keep the conversation going, it doesn't change how I feel about him.

    • Ashley Miles2 months agoReport

      Thank you so much for answering! I really appreciate that you shared this story! This really helps! :)

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  • 2 months ago

    You're an Empath. Many people are narcissists. They are polar opposites. 

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