Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

I’m tired of hearing my mom talk trash about my dad. Is it disrespectful to tell her so?

I’m 29 years old and my parents divorced when I was a baby. Both my mom and grandmother have talked trash to me about my dad since I was a kid. To this day my mom will spend several minutes talking about him anytime we talk. Anytime she finds out I’ve seen my dad for holidays or just visited she tries to give me a hard to time about it. 

I’m not saying my dad is perfect but I’m frankly tired of hearing about it. I told her awhile ago that I was tired of hearing about it and asked her not to say anything about him to me anymore. She got offended and accused me of being disrespectful and ungrateful. Is it disrespectful this disrespectful of me and what advice do you have?

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Tell Mom that Dad is only in your lives because she chose to make a baby with him. You didn't select him out of all the men on Earth to be your father, SHE DID.

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  • 1 month ago

    Your mom is disrespecting YOU. Just because she doesn't like your dad, she doesn't have to talkShit about him around you. That's emotionally abusive behavior on your Mom's part, and it's unnecessary. Apparently, she has no filter when it comes to your well-being.

    And what she's done is cause you to resent her because of this, too. I know i'm not wrong.

    I am not particularly fond of my ex, but i don't sit around and say derogatory things about him to my kids. For god sake, we were divorced 28 years ago, and that has nothing to do with right now. I didn't bad mouth him to my kids after our divorce, either. My kids' feelings are important to me. And they needed to make up their own mind about their father's place in their life and to form their own opinions Kids do have brains and they ought to feel free to use them.

    I think it's ok to let your Mom know that she's being emotionally abusive, and it has to stop. You could also let her know that if she has shitty things to say about your Dad, she ought to call him and tell him herself and get some closure. She's living in the past.

    Again, your mom is the one disregarding you and living in another decade. You can tell her i said so

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  • 1 month ago

    Dude, you're an adult!!!! She's bitter and being an awful parent continuing this bitterness for almost 30 years now!! You are a grown adult, don't take this crap from her. You control your relationship with her at this point. This isn't a parent/child relationship anymore, where she can tell you what to do.

    Tell her to stop it. Tell her it's been long enough that she should be over all of it by now. It's not disrespectful, it's the TRUTH. She's been bitter long enough!!!

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    just tell her you dont want to hear it

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  • 2 months ago

    You tell her firmly, "I love both of you equally and nothing you can say will change that - although I am beginning to lose respect for you for trying to get me to change". Or similar? We all have our faults: each of them, you, me …...

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  • 2 months ago

    She needs to stop it or you need to stop seeing her

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  • 2 months ago

    I don't think its right they bring up their issues with him to you, and espically doing this when you were a child, it's all kinds of wrong. They can have their reasons to dislike him and valid as they may be, it has nothing to do with you, and they should NOT be putting you square in the middle of them.

    You had every right to ask them to stop bring the issues up with you, and I think they got offended because they knew you were right and they didn't really have anything to come back with. The "you're being disrespectful" is a power trip on their end, they are trying to use that as leverage with you to shut you up, I've seen this tactic used many times before. The next time they say to respect them, you need to fire back with "respect is something earned, and you have not earned my respect by bashing my father to me despite me asking you not to, so again, why should I respect either of you?", don't be afraid to throw it back in their face.

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