Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

How challenging is it to balance family life?

So having kids is still far off for me but I want an honest assessment from an unbiased source. My girlfriend and I have been getting into the “ideal future” talks and kids have slowly started to come up in conversation. We’re both still completing our bachelors degrees and have a general idea of what we both want. She’s wants to a grade school teacher and I want to become a physician. We’ve discussed our rough outline for how we see our futures but we really didn’t get that deep into kids or a family. I know I’ll have four years of med school, 5 years of residency, and a fellowship to come. Realistically, I know I won’t have a lot of free time during this period but I also don’t want to wait until we’re both “old” to start our family. Is managing a family and career doable? At what is it necessary to have the in-depth discussion?

4 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    So you'll be a whopping 31 years old. I believe you actually do make some money in residency. The problem really becomes you really have no idea where you might want to do that residency and if she is on track for tenure somewhere she may not want to move across the country. This seems pretty premature. You may end up in med school across the country or even in another country. The time to think about this is when you're in med school and see if you are still together by that time. In the meantime, wear protection even if she is on the pill so nothing derails you. 31 is not too old to have kids. You won't even know what you might want to specialize in at this point. Some doctors don't make up their minds until they try something and it clicks. Being an ER doc or an ob/gyn means mom will have to do more work. But maybe she won't have to work outside. If you're a dermatologist or internist or family doctor, you will have a pretty much 8:00am-5pm job 5 days a week. And in all of this you may take your MCATs and not get into med school. Take baby steps. The chances that you have met "the one" in undergrad are really not in your favor. She still has to get her masters degree too for teaching. You are very far from worrying about this.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Grade school teacher is a great career choice for a mom because the hours are predictable, the vacation time is generous and it's a pretty stable gig (which also comes with maternity leave, unlike most jobs in the US). How much family time your job will allow for depends on what kind of doctoring you hope to do. If you're going into clinical practice you could craft a life with relatively predictable hours as well. When to have kids would to some degree depend on what kind of outside help you're going to have. If you'll be living near parents who can pitch in with the grandkids you might be able to do this while you're still in med school. But assuming you're both conventionally aged undergrads you'd still have time to have kids if you waited until you've finished your residency. Not sure what your idea of "old" is but female fertility doesn't become a huge factor until about 35. Then of course you can always buy extra time by harvesting and freezing eggs.

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 2 months ago

    this is why a man should be older and already established in his career. yes, it is challenging to have kids and no, both of u can not have careers at the same time if u decide to start having kids. 

    • Login to reply the answers
  • 2 months ago

    Balancing family life is extremely difficult.  Do not take it lightly.  It can sink a relationship faster than you realize.  Once you have kids, your life is your kids.  Your home at night because you have kids, your not going on as many date nights with the wife because you have kids, your not having nearly as much sex because you have kids.  Bills go up because of kids ETC.  It is exhausting, but rewarding and fulfilling as well.  It is doable, but you have to make sure you and your future wife are on the same page with many things.

    • Login to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.