Should I confide in my step-mother about my problems?
It's a bit long, so check the comments for the full explanation.
- Beautiful BirdLv 61 month agoFavorite Answer
Many find that they cope better when they can confide in someone who is compassionate and empathetic. Hopefully, the same can be true with your step-mother.
In regards to your mother and father; it is vital that you understand what forgiveness involves. The word “forgive” means “let go.” However, forgiveness does not always require that you forget what happened or minimize the wrong. Sometimes it means that you simply need to let go of a matter, for your own well-being. It is also vital that you recognize the consequences of not forgiving. Some experts say that holding on to resentment can put you at greater risk for a wide range of physical and emotional problems, including depression.
- Pearl LLv 71 month ago
i would if you think it will help
- Anonymous1 month ago
Don't speak to her. Reasons. She can see for herself how things are which is why she is kind.
Now you say you are married but you are carrying a lot of bad baggage on your shoulders. This must affect your marriage.
Imagine this. Say instead of all the bad stuff you went through you were to get a lot of toilet waste and carry it on your shoulders. Would not the stink make you want to lose it as soon as possible. You are hanging on to the stink. Is it a safety net. I think not.
You say you have multiple diagnoses. Who diagnosed you. You know yourself better than anyone and taking your **** off your shoulders one tiny bit at a time will help. I once told someone professionals have book learning but you have life learning.
Now to me, Raped by the family lodger from age three for many many years. Too scared to tell anyone. Married a violent husband who did something so bad I got as low as I could be. It took years of bad depression before I decided I would not let them win. I would not be a victim anymore. This gave me strength. No one will ever or has ever got me as low as I was. That is your start and one day you can be happy. One day.
Care for yourself and your wife. You have a good start. You know how not to treat children.
- PearlLv 71 month ago
i would if you think it will help
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- 1 month ago
◄ Colossians 3:3 ►
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
Seeing that you were dead
- 1 month ago
Hi, I'm 25 and married, so it this probably seems trivial. My father remarried back in 2011. My sister and I were the products his only other marriage, and we were his only children until he had another son with my step-mother just a few years ago. My little brother was literally born the day after my 21st birthday. The whole existence feels weird, especially considering that my father has been treating him much better than he ever treated me.
There's too much to even properly cover, but my father basically abandoned me after his divorce with my mother when I was 5, and he was practically non-existent in my life until I reached out to him when I was 17. During that entire time, I was left to be victim to the whims of my extremely negligent and abusive mother. I literally grew up beaten on a near daily basis in addition to living shin deep in dog feces and garbage. I was even homeless and starving at one point. It was awful, and I'm still dealing with the trauma of those events in the forms of multiple psychological diagnoses.
Anyway, back to the topic of my father. When I was little, his methods were pretty messed up. My "potty training" involved having my dirty diapers tied to my face; when I would cry, he would dump full cups of ice water onto my face like I was a dog; I wouldn't be allowed to eat unless my room was cleaned in the exact way he wanted it (I would go without food for days at a time sometimes because of this); and more.
Despite this, I somehow decided he was better than my mother when I reconnected with him, and, when I did reach out to him and asked to move in with him, he complied, and when I was 18, I did just that. I'm not kidding, however, when I say that the second I got in the car with him to drive away and move in with him, he turned over and told me that I had two years before he would throw me out of the house, in the middle of the San Francisco Bay Area, one of the most expensive areas to live in the world; that's basically how he's always been. His benevolence always had a time limit or came with some string attached, so it's fair to say that he's still treats me poorly to this day.
Anyway, he treats my little brother in a kind, fatherly, benevolent way that I never knew. He funds the best schools for him, lets him partake is extra-curricular activities, buys him clothes that fit him, gives him all of the toys in the world, talks him out of crying, potty trains him properly, and so much more. I'm very glad for that, but I can't help but feel resentful because of it, and I want to talk to somebody about it. I haven't talked to my mother in years due to what she did to me while growing up, and my father is clearly out of the question thanks to the kind of man he is, so that really only leaves my step-mother. She's an amazing woman, probably the best parental figure that I've ever had. I've barely spoken to her on a personal level, and we're not close at all, but she doesn't hesitate to offer me what I need when she can. She offered to help me out with college for free when my father wanted me to pay him back every cent originally. She immediately offered me $2,000 without me even asking when I told her I was getting married, and my father asked me how I would fund it without offering any assistance. She offered me her old car for free when my father wanted to sell it to me for full Blue Book value despite it having a shot transmission and cooling system. That's why I'm considering speaking to her. I'm wondering if maybe she could offer me the guidance, comfort, and closure that I'm seeking that neither of my biological parents can provide. Sorry, I know that was a lot, but does anyone have any reasonings as to whether I shouldn't? I feel like it could be selfish of me to maybe paint my father in that light to her, especially considering I'm positive that she doesn't know the vast majority of what he's said or done to me over the years.