Anonymous

Waiting till the kids graduate until I leave - looking for someone else who did this?

I’m looking for other people who are or have been in this situation. I am with my husband who barely leaves his computer outside of work. All day and much of the night he is playing online games. Any spare chance. He does the basics outside of that like taking my son to sport or hanging up the washing if I ask. He does virtually nothing else and isn’t really present in our lives other than that because he is quick to anger or get upset if we interrupt him. He will help the kids with homework amongst the gaming as well and he works full time. Talking to him is difficult as he is mostly on his computer or wanting to be on his computer. Even my father today said that he doesn’t have commitment outside of that. Due to my and his work it would be very difficult for me to leave (or ask him to) while the kids are at school for another 6 yrs. after they graduate it would be easier. We don’t have fights or anything I am just completely let down by him. I am embarrassed to say to others what he does all day but don’t want to hide it either. I want to get out but I am biding my time until it makes practical sense to leave. I don’t respect him for what he has done here too. In other ways I do (he is good at his job) but just with this I am not at all satisfied and would rather be on my own. I have waited this long I just will hold on a little longer. I am looking for other people in this situation rather than anyone to tell me what to do. Please let me know if you are or have been here

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are a pretty smart woman, you look at your situation logically. Is 6 years going to get your kids through college? Does he not have any sex with you? Do you even miss it? Does he make a good living working with computers? Do you make a good living?

    • Taryn L1 month agoReport

      We both make reasonable money. Enough to run a household individually. The kids school commute aligns with his, once college starts it won’t matter but for now it does. Sex is very infrequent and I don’t want it with him much anyway. His living isn’t with computers but he uses them a bit for work

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    This sounds like classic gaming addiction and there are steps you could take short of divorcing him. It all starts with having a serious conversation about how you feel his gaming is taking away from family time. If he'll agree to get into treatment for this problem you may be able to get your husband back.

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  • 1 month ago

    I didn't wait till my children graduate - the younger u re when u get a divorce the more chances u have to find someone else because life at old age lonely is not a good life. your children grow up and find their own partners and will build their own life where there will be no place for u. my mother never found a man after divorce so now she is in her 70, very lonely and wants to come and live with me and neither me nor my husband are happy about that. so for the sake of your children's future get yourself a proper life NOW while u still can. nobody will want to take care of u when u re old. 

    I got a divorce when my children were at school and found myself another man with whom I have been very happily married for almost 20 years now and my children are all grown up and moved out. imagine if I were waiting for that - now I would be all lonely, old and tired.

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  • 1 month ago

    File for divorce and get alimony and child support. Let's be honest he has already left the marriage. You don't need him, just his financial support. 6 more years? You make it sound like a guaranteed deadline. It isn't. In a perfect world once he got the divorce papers he'd realize he needed help. In reality, I see no reason to waste another 6 years of your life with this man. Enough is enough.

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    • Taryn L1 month agoReport

      Also somehow I earn more than him so it’s not his paycheck it is the raising of the children

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  • 1 month ago

    One of her friends said that her own parents had waited to split until she was in her ... We all want to protect our children as much as possible in divorce, and it's easy ... Minimize conflict with their other parent and strive for cooperative co-parenting. .... Do You Have to Leave Just Because You're Not Happy?

    • Taryn L1 month agoReport

      That is my view right now. In 5-6 yrs I will be more selfish and do what I want. It has been 15 years and I hope the next 5 are ok

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I completely understand where you are coming from. However, why not try taking the initiative for yourself and being proactive. Instead of relying on him to organize romantic things, why not plan things for the both of you to do. I always figure that guys are more hesitant to cancel when their wives organize something because they cannot live with the guilt.

    Hence, I would start off small and build from there. For example, simple outings like restaurant nights, going for ice cream and walks are a great starting point. From there you can get more elaborate and do things like going on couples retreats. Basically, you want to stimulate his imagination! I figure that after a while he will pick up on the sorts of things that you are doing and take the lead, especially if you are having fun! I really hope this helps :)

    • Taryn L1 month agoReport

      Hi REbecca not yet thanks for your reply

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