American law could end my relationship? What would you do?
Hi all. I am in my mid-twenties, I’ve been dating an incredible, beautiful and intelligent woman my age for about 20 months. The thing is, she’s here on a student visa and her job (she just got an offer) is across the country. I have an ideal and lucrative job in my city, in an industry which is basically non-existent in the place she’s moving to. I will basically have to take a pay cut and cross my fingers that I can find anything at all if I were to move and she knows this.
Several of my friends (of various ages and genders) have told me to cut her loose and focus on my career, they say at my age girls are everywhere and I’ll have a midlife crisis if I follow and eventually marry her as I’ve only dated and been with one other girl.
But she expects me to either move or do long distance... she saved me during a time when I was medicating for clinical anxiety over an extended difficult life situation, and if I do not marry her it could potentially leave the door open to her being kicked out of the country if she does not get a temporary green card...
I love her, I could see myself one day marrying her, but I’m not excited to do long distance (for a SECOND time because of an earlier relationship) in the prime of my life... any advice would help...
- FoofaLv 72 months ago
This isn't just US immigration law, every nation on Earth has immigration rules that must be met (and those rarely make it convenient for international couples). If she's in the OPT program she doesn't have a lot of options about where she lives. But here's the deal... If she's got a job it means some employer is willing to sponsor her H1B visa, you apparently picked a STEM smarty. You need to chill out... Her H1B gives her three years with the opportunity for the employer to extend that by another three years (and then it would have the option to sponsor her green card). So she may not need you to marry her to keep her in the US. The bottomline is that she doesn't need your immediate sponsorship to remain in the US... You don't have to marry and sponsor her right this minute... And you have time to do an LDR that might turn into something more. If you're patient and don't get crazy about this you could end up together happily ever after. You're just giving yourself too much power in this situation and need to relax.
- - Mé -Lv 72 months ago
I think it's a lot of pressure to put in such a young relationship. Yes, I bet she's amazing but you guys have dated during less than 2 years, that's still a honey moon period. You don't know her well to make drastic decisions such as marrying her, or moving out to some place where the risk of you not finding a job is very high.
You need to write a list of pros and cons about the decisions you are facing, but you need to be really true to yourself. I'm also of the idea that you are in an age where you should be focusing in your career. Your 20's are the prime time to establish a career that allows you to make other type of decisions and set yourself financially. It's a very bad idea to me to risk this for someone that you have been dating for such a short time.
Love doesn't conquer all. Even if you were to marry this girl, she could still desire to go back to her country eventually, or if you move across the country to be w her, you still could break up /not work as a couple. Are you ready for this?
- choko_canyonLv 72 months ago
If I loved her, as you say you do, I would give the LDR a shot and see if it worked before I made any decisions that might end the relationship forever.
- Brandon CLv 42 months ago
Jesus, that's rough bro. Um, honestly man I would say stay where you are and keep your career and wish her well and let her go. Here is why: There are too many variables at play that will have to go right in order for your relationship to succeed.
What I mean by that is, you would have to like the place you are moving too(you already said you didn't want to move). You would have to hope you find something that is lucrative in this other place, which you said isn't possible. Basically, if your not 100% ok with moving then you need to think long and hard. You don't wanna end up hating your life in this new city and blame that on your GF because that would make you hate and resent her.
Also consider the possibility that this relationship doesn't work out. Then what? Your stuck in that city and who knows if you can get your old job/life back. The position your in sucks, no doubt. But the smart move is to stay put, build your life around your career and look for someone who has a life where you are and isn't leaving. If you choose to stay with her, I couldn't blame you for doing so, just know its extremely risky and the chances of it failing are high.