Do my wife love someone else?
Me and my wife have been together for 11 years. We have a deep history and really do love each other. We obviously have had a lot of great memories and bad times as well. The big issue is that we are drowning in debt, due to gambling addiction on my behalf. It has been a struggle the last three years, we have been close to being evicted twice. I know this is my fault, but I don't understand why she is looking to get a divorce after only 3 years of struggling, when I took great care of her the first 8 years before my addiction started. I know need to seek help soon, and I am. Why wont she just do a separation while I get my stuff together? Is she wanting the divorce to go be with someone else?
- FoofaLv 72 months agoFavorite Answer
She's probably trying to salvage her credit and divorce would be the only way to do that. So let her divorce you while you work through treatment and then when and if you emerge a healthier person you can always try to win her back. There's no point in both of you becoming financially toxic if that can be avoided.
- AkeathLv 72 months ago
You don't seem to get that you are actively damaging her. Because you are married, your debts are her debts. People you owe money can go after her because you two are married. She may be forced to declare bankruptcy and spend decades trying to fix her credit because of your problems. That happened to a relative of mine, her husband had a secret problem with money that ended up ruining her credit and making her declare bankruptcy. If she doesn't divorce you and get herself financially disentangled from you, she may spend the rest of her life trying to fix the damage to her finances that you have caused. A separation will not protect her finances legally from your debtors. You seem to be on a sinking ship and want her to sit there and drown with you while you say you will later get help. Well, maybe she's decided not to drown with you, to save herself. Good for her. You get to ruin your own life, but you don't get to sit there and say that she has to let you ruin hers, too.
- a Guy bein a GuyLv 72 months ago
You have a gambling addiction meaning you can't stop.
Why should she hang on in the very long odds that you might quit?
- n2mamaLv 72 months ago
No, she probably doesn’t have someone else, she just doesn’t want to be with you any longer. It doesn’t sound like you have taken responsibility for your addiction and the fallout from that. You haven’t sought professional help, you aren’t in therapy, you aren’t in a twelve step program. In other words, you aren’t doing anything to show her you are owning your problem and working to fix it. And she is OVER IT! Three years is an incredibly long time to be dragged down by someone else, especially when that person isn’t making an effort to change. She may still love you, deep down, but she does not want to be partnered with you anymore because you’ve been a bad partner for too long.
And you can’t say “oh, I took great care of her for 8 years, so it should be ok to be a complete drain on her for the past three years. She still owes me five years” it doesn’t work like that either. And I would bet that in those eight years she was being a good partner to you too, it wasn’t one-sided. Let her go and seek the professional help you need. If she sees you making an actual effort, she may eventually decide to give you another chance.
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- RPLv 72 months ago
She may not want to be with someone else, but it should be clear she is no longer able to tolerate your situation.
- Andrew SmithLv 72 months ago
She wants a divorce because she cannot cope with having you as an ongoing liability. Don't blame the addiction. Don't blame " someone else". There is one and only one person to blame. Whether she meets another person or not is of no consequence to you.
- mokrieLv 72 months ago
Face facts. You blew it. You ruined your wife's trust in you. Get help for your own sake before you get your kneecaps broken and spend your life in a wheelchair at the poorhouse. She's had it with you so you need to let her go. Three years is too long to put up with an addict. She's done.
- Coach SimonLv 72 months ago
Unfortunately she has almost certainly lost respect for you, and she very probably thinks of you as weak and selfish. Ask her. You will need to change things - seeking professional help is a good start. Good Luck!