Monica asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 11 months ago

Husband doesn’t want his family to know he takes care of his step daughter? ?

My husband has asked for my daughter (his step daughter) not to bring any of her toys, phone, tablet etc. basically anything nice that she gets...around his niece because it will hurt her feelings that she doesn’t get nice things. She asks for things and usually my daughter will end up getting it and she doesn’t. I work hard for the things I provide for my child and she would never rub it in someone’s face that she has something they dont. The niece has a mom who doesn’t do anything. He’s also asked that anything he buys for my daughter, for us not to tell his niece or anyone that he bought anything for her. He said she gets sad when he buys things for my daughter and not her...

Update:

Is he wrong?? Am I wrong for letting her take what she wants around the other child? 

Update 2:

So basically this is more geared towards a phone. Both the girls asked for a phone and my daughter got one but niece’s mom lied and didn’t get hers. This happens with everything. Barbie dream house, tablet, shoes... everything. Husband says for my daughter not to bring the phone or tell anyone he helped to get it. 

7 Answers

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  • 11 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I kind of understand him saying don’t bring things around her, it’s still a stretch but i can see where he’s coming from. Maybe when your daughter is visiting her cousin she can bring a board game or toys that they can play with together. 

    HOWEVER, him saying for HIS DAUGHTER not to tell anyone that he buys her anything is absurd. It sounds like he doesn’t really view her as his daughter and maybe has some kind of guilt in what he does or doesn’t do for the niece, or maybe his family has said something to him. 

    What needs to happen is the two of you need to have a conversation about this. Also make sure that you don’t put the girls against each other or create any jealousy or competition between them. If he feels this strongly about his niece not getting something she should have, he should talk to the mother and father about it. I can’t imagine how that made your daughter feel that she can’t tell anyone her step father bought her something. Good luck you two! 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    maybe she can give her some of her stuff

  • 11 months ago

    Well, if your husband is asking you these things, why not respect his wishes? Part of a good marriage is mutual respect. I'm not sure what the big problem is that you have with his request. Really, i'm not.

  • 11 months ago

    The secrecy part only draws attention away from the fact that he is helping her. If the child is okay with it that is what is important.

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  • y
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    Wrong, right, who the hell knows. Apparently he doesn't want hear all the crap he will get from his side of the family. Move, out of reach of the leaches.

  • Eva
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    Have some empathy for the niece. Your husband is trying the prevent bad feelings between the children. It doesn't matter that your child wouldn't boast about having nice things. Just seeing the difference between what your child has and the niece doesn't may make her sad. If her mother is a single parent, she may be doing the best she can and there isn't extra money for fancy electronics.

  • Iam
    Lv 6
    11 months ago

    It is polite to be sensitive to others feelings, I think you are really asking "How far should we take the sensitivity" and that is really a personal judgement call. It is difficult for children who have less wealthy parents, as they can feel excluded socially. To be really super nice to this kid, then your husband has a point, perhaps ask your daughter to play with the child games which don't need equipment, or if she really wants to take her stuff, ask her to share with the other kid?

    Does she have stuff which is age approproate and she doesn't want anymore, perhaps to pass on to the other kid?

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