Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 7 days ago

My parents say I should NOT apologize for grabbing my sister last summer during her verbal abuse. Are they right?

I am going to have to see her over Christmas unfortunately. They both said I did nothing wrong. The sister is an adult bully and I finally couldn't take her abuse. I was asked to avoid visiting at the same time as her at Thanksgiving but when the whole extended family is there I don't want to be segregated and my mother said she won't do that to me (we'll see). My sister now has Crohn's Disease and so more abusive then ever cause she is in pain. If she was not so cruel I would have sympathy on the condition she has. Instead I don't.

So are my parents right that I have no need to apologize? What I did was grab her upper shoulder when she was blocking a door and told her to grow the hell up and then called her the B word. I did shake her shoulders which I think was wrong of me.

Updated 7 days ago:

Thank you all, all good answers. Have a Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas. 

6 Answers

  • Favorite Answer

    in this case you didn't do anything undeserved. FORGIVE. if you're uncomfortable apologizing, treat her like it never happened. anyway, my fear is that you finally stood up to her bullying by apologizing you undo the gains you made. also, pain is not a legitimate excuse for chronic ugliness. a person is ugly because they are angry/jealous and need to see your forgiveness and understanding.

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    6 days ago

    You did nothing wrong, stay away from her whenever possible.

  • 6 days ago

    You don't have to see her if you don't want to. Don't go.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    6 days ago

    i would apologize

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  • 7 days ago

    Although you lost control. which was wrong. You need to accept she is in emotional pain, and it seems in some way blames you. or you are the easiest to get a reaction out of. I am sure you are not the only one she is bullying, but in some way others are not putting up with her abuse. In some way they are ignoring her, or not giving her the reaction she wants or that you give her. . Yes grabbing her even though was abusive, and calling her the B word only means she got you to lose control. And now gets to see you punish your self over it. Here is what you do. Go to any family party, smile, say hi to everyone. even your bully sister. If she says anything about the incident, say yes, your bullying got me to lose control. I will not allow you to get me mad again. I know you are in pain emotionally, and now physically. I don't know why you are so angry and mean especially towards me. But as far as I know, except for minor mistakes all kids make when we were young I do not remember hurting you so bad, that you have carried this hurt for so long. I feel sorry for you. I will also pray you find peace, some day. You may not be able to get all of this out at one time. She will try to stop you. and say mean things in between each thought. try to keep going and finish. If she tries to put her hands on you, pull back, and try to walk away. Say I am sorry you are in pain, but I am not going to add to it. I am going to just walk away from you. Leave the room, and start talking to someone else but do not talk about your sister. Go to a young niece or nephew. and pick them up and tell them how much you love or miss them. As mean as she is, it is still harder to yell at a person holding a child under 7 yrs old. If she raises her voice, or says something mean, say you are looking very pretty today. Ignore the mean words. and smile and only say nice things. It will stop the anger getting bigger, and usually puts angry people a little confused. They are uses to having their anger met with anger, or violence. Do not give it to her. Even if she hits you. You can turn and put up your arm to block a slap or punch. but if she does hit you and you smile and walk away instead of hitting back, or even yelling back, you are not helping the fight or anger to grow. You reacting in a negative way, yelling saying mean words, or grabbing her, she is getting what she wants. upsetting you, and making you lose control. And then feeling bad about it. Stop. do not bring the past up, and only fight anger with kind words. or ignore her abuse.

  • 7 days ago


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