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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthWomen's Health · 4 months ago

How to use a safe word while in handcuffs and gag?

My boyfriend (who I trust immensely) and I have started experimenting with bondage in the bedroom. So far, we have mostly just played with handcuffs, but we are both wanting to add a gag to go to the next level. I’m usually the one getting cuffed, and my only concern is that our safe word will no longer work if I’m gagged. How do we keep the safe word concept if my hands are behind my back and I have a gag in my mouth?

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  • D_21
    Lv 5
    4 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    After some light research the primary suggestions for this situation are that you can use

    •"triples" patterns of 3x grunts, taps, knocks, or some other agreed upon motion

                         (example: knock on the headboard three times in a row)

    • Scarf - tie one end of a scarf to a bracelet, handcuff, or hair tie. Ball the rest of the scarf in your hand. When you need your safe word you drop the rest of the scarf. The bright fabric then flags the Dom to halt play. This is based around the idea if you drop something on the floor the Dom may not see it.

    • Saved by the Bell - tie a bell to your wrist that you can then ring if you need it. With the tie you don't lose it when you don't mean to. (jingle bells can be got at craft stores)

    • A light in the dark - buy a key ring laser pointer or flashlight. You can fix it to a bracelet if you're worried about losing it. Turn it on to signal stop.

       --Alternately you can hold it (unfastened) locked in the ON position and drop it to signal a stop. In the dark the change of light & shadows shifting should alert the Dom.

    • Hand Squeeze - This method requires intense communication between sub & Dom.  The Dom states their intentions, telling the sub what's going to happen next. Then the Dom checks in with the sub with a hand squeeze. The sub squeezes back once for yellow, twice for green, or no squeeze for stop. The squeeze patterns obviously to be established beforehand. This method requires the Dom & sub to very in tune with each other. The Dom has to monitor the sub all the time. Checking in to re-establish consent & welfare. If the sub is not appropriately responsive all play stops immediately and the Dom begins to untie things. Works well in various bondage scenarios. Best with highly skilled Doms.

    • Snapping - snap your fingers to signal a stop.

    • Humming - some people agree on the sub humming a familiar tune/song to signal in place of a safeword.

    • Squeakers - use a pet toy that squeaks when you squeeze it. This can also be combined with the rule of triples, or utilize another pattern of squeaks to distinguish between green good to go, yellow nervous & unsure, and red stop....or an oops, squeezed it on accident while curling my toes cause that thing you just did.

    • Drops - involves a hopefully noisey and often brightly colored object that the sub holds on to and drops to the floor as a safeword signal. Popular suggestions include a ball, heavy keys, or cat toy with bells inside.

    • Tile Tracker - one user on reddit mentioned there's a model of tile tracker that has a button on it in case you lose track of your phone instead of the tile. The sub holds the tile and presses the button to set off the Dom's phone to get their attention.

    (gotta buy the right Tile Tracker though | significant $$ investment in play)

    • Body Language - some people just use basic headshaking back & forth to signal no

    Or you could always practice the safeword with the gag in so that you both know what it sounds like with the obstruction beforehand. Plus you could get better at saying it around the ball or whatever.

    Might be a good idea to tie the gag loose enough you can spit it out if necessary anyway.  The spitting out of the gag can be used as the safeword/signal being called.

    References:

    https://www.witchofthewands.com/2018/02/28/guide-g...

    https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/comments/1t...

    https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a2327...

     

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  • 4 months ago

    Some kind of non-verbal cue - rapid eye blinking or eyebrow raising, tapping, etc.

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  • 4 months ago

    This isn't difficult.

    Do something like click your fingers (if you can) or 3 grunts means "stop now".

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  • MissA
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    So interestingly we can tell that you are a fake fetishist. Just FYI.

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  • 4 months ago

    yeah i'll wait for your funeral

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Obviously that's not gonna work, is it.

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  • Jim
    Lv 4
    4 months ago

    You'll have to come up with something, like 3 long grunts 

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  • 4 months ago

    watch out when he starts choking you for the thrill

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