How to change my mindset?
I feel like I need people’s approval to make a decision.. I never please myself but other people.. I always feel like I need to tell them the things I wanna do and then see their reaction and then make a decision.. if they make fun of me or tell me that I shouldnt do that I NEVER do that (although I previously wanted to do that). I am afraid of what they will say about my decisions.. I need people’s approval if I wanna do something. Their opinion affects me too much.. how do I change this? Should I visit a psychologist? I dont wanna live my life based on people’s opinion anymore and I dont wanna let their opinion affect me.. there are too many things i’ve wanted to do but didnt because they didnt want me to do that or in other words they didnt approve me.. i dont want it to be like this anymore. I want to live freely and do whatever I want. I am losing too much time living this way.. I know this might be too easy, I should do whatever I want without telling them what I want but I cant.. Even when I think what they think about me without saying anything to them, I somehow know that they would disapprove my decisions if I told them what I wanna do. To summarize, I care too much about what people say about me . I need their approval before I can make a decision in my life. What should i do? Help..
- Anonymous2 months ago
This is called 'people pleasing syndrome' or 'nice guy syndrome'. This is a personality disorder involving both lack of self esteem and a good heart. Two things that control your mind 1. How do I say NO? 2. Let's help this guy out and make him happy. Although being nice is a good quality it is almost impossible to be that way in this world. 90% of people are cheaters and exploiters. So you have to say NO 100% of the time cold blooded. That way you may be putting down a real genuine nice guy who needs help but that's collateral damage. You can't risk being nice in a world with 90% cheaters. So first thing you must do is force yourself to be selfish. Give importance to your needs others don't matter. I know it's easier said than done for a real nice guy because that's your innate nature. Building confidence is also not easy so I am not going into that instead I give you an easy trick.
In order to do this you need to practice a lot. From now on keep saying in your mind that next time when someone ask you something say NO immediately without thinking. If you are late by a second you will definitely say YES like a robot. Always be prepared to say NO. Remember cheaters always pick the best time when you are not ready to think. This will take time to be a second nature for you. Expect some unexpected YESs during this training period but don't get disappointed. I was a person like you before but I have changed myself and was doing good for a few years but a few months ago I lost some money to an unexpected shocker. I was completely unprepared as I haven't had a similar situation in a long time. I was kind of forgot my past and said a terrible YES. That was a reminder for me and after that I got back on track. So you can't change your innate behavior permanently. One or two mistakes is okay but you can certainly become a regular NO man with practice.