Boyfriend advice needed!?
The holidays are coming up and last year I was left all alone and I know will happen again this year due to his daughter who is of age I mean would it hurt him to see me for just an hr on Christmas DAY? we been together for a year I have to go by his schedule due to his work I never been to his house because he's never home he's a workaholic. Plus I've noticed our texting isn't the same as it used to be he doesn't respond for several hrs I'm left on read it's making me feel like I'm not good enough or boring.We only spend time together once a week, it's been on going now for a month because he claims his works getting busier which I understand but I'm feeling lonely and not a priority. He doesn't bring me roses any more or suprise visits when I least expect him. Just feels like he's loosing interest but gets super jealous when other guys ask my number like why would you even get jealous when u don't spend time with me!
- Coach SimonLv 73 weeks agoFavorite Answer
His daughter is "of age" - does that mean she is an adult? It sounds rather dubious to me. You only meet once a week; would that involve sex? Never been to his home - does he have a wife there? A workaholic, or does he have one or more other women? Even of it is all true what he tells you, why would you be with him?
We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.
- 3 weeks ago
I agree with you, something doesn't seem right. Yes your children come first but also if you are involved with someone for a year they should be a priority as well. Asking for an hour is not asking a lot. I would back off for a while. Don't answer his calls or texts like you used to. Let him know you are not always available and you will not always jump because his "schedule" is open. After a year he should love you enough to make time for you rather than once a week. There has to be some substance to a relationship and it seems you are someone he puts on his calendar and will see when he is ready. As far as not going to his house, that's weird. I mean a year and you are not allowed there because he works all the time? He sleeps somewhere he goes home to eat somewhere, why not invite you over for dinner and a sleep over? Yes he has to go to work the next morning but I assume that wouldn't be a problem for you since you did get to spend some time with him. Something is very strange about this relationship. I would wonder if he truly is working all the time or if he is trying to live a double life or some sort. You need to find someone who respects you enough to want to spend time with you. Someone who doesn't put you on the back burner. Don't be the first to contact anymore let him contact you. See how long it takes him to realize you are not always texting. If he wants to make it work he will. Let him chase you don't seem needy you need to show him you can live without him and that you will not always be available when he wants you to be. Go have fun with some friends let him know you are out living your life and not sitting at home waiting on him to text back.
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
The daughter came first.
If you love him, you will encourage him to spend his time with his daughter.
And if you are whole enough inside, and self-sufficient enough to MAKE a relationship work well, you won't feel alone.
And if you accept yourself well-enough to make a relationship work, you won't make this about you being rejected, alone, or feeling hurt.
You two have been together for a year, and it may not last much longer unless you grow up. Sorry, but you are way out of line.
In any relationship it always boils down to these two things:
(1) Either they ARE acceptable as they ARE, or the relationship will fall apart.
(2) We cannot make others change. We can either accept them or reject them. And the only person we have ANY chance of changing is ourselves, and even that is difficult.
Just so you know it takes a married couple about 20 years to learn how to accept each other, and as long as the stages of conflict and alienation are not TOO strong, they have a chance of making it to 20 years. But only 12.5% of all couples make it to the acceptance stage, because acceptance only happens when WE are able to work with OUR emotions (instead of trying to make the other person change .. this is the primary cause of breakups).
So what I am telling you to do is very very very difficult. But if you cannot do it you will not have a lasting relationship, or if you do have one it will be miserable.
So start by not blaming him for how you feel.
And by looking for ways to nurture his relationship with his daughter, rather than treating her as competition.
And by becoming whole enough and invested in yourself and your own life, that you are NOT "alone" when he is busy, are NOT "rejected/hurt" because he loves his daughter.
btw, the romance always dies out.. If that is what you love him for, you made a mistake.
- LindaLv 63 weeks ago
If it was me and this was occurring and he had not even had me over yet, I would leave. I would never allow any guy to make me a low priority bc I think too much of myself.
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- TealLv 73 weeks ago
It sounds like your relationship revolves entirely around his convenience and his needs. I am sure he would be upset if you broke up, he has clearly gotten comfortable, but he isn't actually going to change or make an effort to keep you. You have been dating for at least a year, at this point it's safe to assume that this is as good as it gets.
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
Pray to GOD and ask GOD about this. Could be he is busier. Could be something else.